Lots of us are very driven by what people outside of us think, and so it is important to us that we are liked.
Other people are totally aware of their own value, and therefore only worry about what they think about themselves.
The ideal is a bit of both, because the internally focussed people can lack social skills, and the externally focussed people can become paranoid and deeply upset when people don’t like them.
The problem for us people who care about what the world thinks, is that it is NOT possible for the whole world to like us. Think of people like Robbie Williams, tormented by the critics, because he wants everyone to love him. An extreme example is people who don’t understand that we can love multiple people, so they manipulate in order to attempt to be ‘the most loved’. So we are attempting to have something which is impossible, hence it’s likely to make us very stressed!
My little boy said to me the other day ‘but not everyone loves me like you do’, bless him. He is very concerned by the inconsistency of his friends and that not everyone loves him. So it is my task over the coming weeks to point out to him that somedays he doesn’t like kids either, and that it can be great for them, because it gives them a chance to play with other kids. Plus, that when kids/people do like him, it really suits him that those particular people do, versus other people who could have done. For example, it might give him a chance to play with one of the little boys, rather than get more bruises from playing with the boys who are a year older than him all the time. So life isn’t boring, it’s different and varied. Plus if one of the kids doesn’t like you, it means that others will, because you are connected by the fact that they aren’t liked by them either.
So, to set your child’s expectations reasonably, there are a couple of options.
1) For 50% of the world to ADORE you and 50% of the world to really DISLIKE you
2) Or for 50% of the world to be flexible and like bits of you and not other bits, with only 25% ADORING/DISLIKING you. (you’ll find that the flexible people will then like & dislike opposite bits, so it is still 50/50 for like/dislike in your life).
We’ll all face both situations in our life in the different places, neighbours, friends, families, work, clients, customers etc and when you get your head around it, there is a great deal of comfort in knowing that at any point in time only 50% of the world will be disliking you.
Not ALL people, just half of them.
So you are always going to be liked by half the people you meet! That’s great. That’s loads of people!