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Bullying Summary of the Concepts

I thought it might be useful to summarise all the concepts that I have covered in my Bullying Blogs for you guys.

(See my other blogs for the background information for these, you’ll probably need explanations to explain why these concepts work):

 

1) Labels are not useful and don’t fix anything.  In fact in some way everyone is a Bully, just as much as each other; it’s just that the majority of us do it in subtle or more socially acceptable ways.

 

2) Bullying can not be destroyed as it is a part of human nature, so trying to remove it is naive and will just move it to more subtle or difficult places to monitor; that doesn’t mean that it can’t be dealt with though.  It is therefore in all of our lives, the problem is when it is in a place or focussed so strongly that it causes distress or when the parents don’t know about it.

 

3) The objective instead is to understand the bullying and learn from it, so that it becomes something our kids don’t notice or that just goes over their heads.

 

4) A child who is being bullied will be being overly supported / protected / liked somewhere in their lives.  There is always a balance in our lives (although it’s often not easy to see) of ease/difficulty and support/challenge.  It can help with the resolution of the problem to look at the other side of the picture.

 

5) Everyone is both liked and disliked to an equal degree, it is impossible to be liked by everyone, but also more comfortingly we will never be disliked by everyone either!

 

6) The ‘bullied’ child will gain benefits from being bullied (the silver-lining), and if we can help them understand, appreciate and learn from this and the concepts above, then they do not need to feel victimised & powerless.

 

7) The ‘bullying’ child also requires some assistance (although I’m not against consequences and punishment either), as the reason that they are ‘bullying’ is to gain a supportive/enjoyable experience in order to deal with something else in their lives that they are finding challenging or because they need someone to put their foot down and give them boundaries that are lacking elsewhere.

 

8) An example of what the ‘Bullied’ child can gain from the experience is to learn to stand up for themselves, or to mix with other children who might be a ‘better influence’ or more suitable for them.

 

9) An example of why a ‘Bullying’ child does it, is because they need Power, Freedom, Belonging or Fun, i.e. they feel powerless at home due to under-dominating parents, or have lack of choice due to dominating parents, or are insecure about belong loved or belonging, or are bored.

 

10) The ‘Bully’ is not ‘horrid’ or ‘evil’ and the ‘Bullied’ is not an ‘angel’.  Thinking of them like that will cloud the issues and stop them from being resolved, which is the most important thing.

 

Now, if any of this pushes some buttons (and I would totally understand if it does, as bullying is a very emotional subject), please read my other blogs before jumping to conclusions.  I’m not just saying all this for no apparent reason and with no background.  It has come from 10yrs of studying, a 40yr lifetime of experience, plus being a Mum myself.  So bear with me, I’m attempting to help us all resolve the growing problems of bullying in the UK.

6 comments to Bullying Summary of the Concepts

  • [...] are the titles of my blogs to date (I will keep adding as well): Bullying Summary of the Concepts Bullying Pt11 – More Insights into the Bully Bullying – Pt10 – What on Earth could be [...]

  • Karrin Ochoa

    When a childs midbrain is not fully developed the characteristics that they demonstrate are animalistic. These are unconcious and automatically reveal themselves when the child is under stress. Once the primitive reflexes are fully developed they shut off and the brain has more energy for the cortex which is higher human thought and function. Once the brain is wired correctly the extreme temper tantrums, withdrawn babyish behavior, and academic issues go away. John Demartini was dyslexic, he had drug problems, and he fought with others growing up. He did a crosspatterning program in his early 20′s and his primitive reflexes shut off- his dyslexis cleared up, and he was able to heal his body from poison. These are issues that cannot be cured with words but take a bodymovement program to shift. Proper handling of babies the first year of life sets up their hormones, fight or flight response, sensory and motor connections and overall sense of identity for life. A person can learn to compensate as they get older but primitive reflexes get worse as a person ages, the only way they shut off is through developmental movement. Bullying and getting bullied are serious issues today with children killing other children in distorted states of awareness. People have different brains and experience the world in different ways.

  • Karrin Ochoa

    The Demartini Method is a great tool to use in order to deal with situations as they arise. It can help one cope in the best way possible until the next issue arises. If you want to cure overly aggressive or passive behavior in children or adults a developmental movement program, which can take a year or more to complete, is a permanent solution. Primitive reflexes are unconscious and no amount of talking or reasoning will change them. When left on they leave a person without proper human instincts. When partially developed they result in disorganized behavior. Organizing the PONS and midbrain is essential for proper behavior and academic ablity. When the brain is not properly developed in the first year of life the child does not feel their body the same as others, does not feel pain, does not have proper communication between the brains two hemisheres which effects langauge, math, spacial abilty, balance, social interactions and feelings of self identity. A child who does not feel their own pain doesn’t feel others peoples pain either. A child who is oversensitive is not feeling sensory data correctly. These children often have trouble sleeping, falling asleep on their own, they crave sweets, they can’t sit still, etc. When the primitive reflexes are stressed and disorganized the sensory going in and the motor going out get disorganized. When the cortex or higher human part of the brain is on, the child is fine, when the cortex relaxes and midbrain has to take over- forget it!

  • [...] You Struggling Financially? Tips For Appreciating What We Have Got And Worrying Less    Bullying Summary of the Concepts [...]

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