I thought it might be useful to summarise all the concepts that I have covered in my Bullying Blogs for you guys.
(See my other blogs for the background information for these, you’ll probably need explanations to explain why these concepts work):
1) Labels are not useful and don’t fix anything. In fact in some way everyone is a Bully, just as much as each other; it’s just that the majority of us do it in subtle or more socially acceptable ways.
2) Bullying can not be destroyed as it is a part of human nature, so trying to remove it is naive and will just move it to more subtle or difficult places to monitor; that doesn’t mean that it can’t be dealt with though. It is therefore in all of our lives, the problem is when it is in a place or focussed so strongly that it causes distress or when the parents don’t know about it.
3) The objective instead is to understand the bullying and learn from it, so that it becomes something our kids don’t notice or that just goes over their heads.
4) A child who is being bullied will be being overly supported / protected / liked somewhere in their lives. There is always a balance in our lives (although it’s often not easy to see) of ease/difficulty and support/challenge. It can help with the resolution of the problem to look at the other side of the picture.
5) Everyone is both liked and disliked to an equal degree, it is impossible to be liked by everyone, but also more comfortingly we will never be disliked by everyone either!
6) The ‘bullied’ child will gain benefits from being bullied (the silver-lining), and if we can help them understand, appreciate and learn from this and the concepts above, then they do not need to feel victimised & powerless.
7) The ‘bullying’ child also requires some assistance (although I’m not against consequences and punishment either), as the reason that they are ‘bullying’ is to gain a supportive/enjoyable experience in order to deal with something else in their lives that they are finding challenging or because they need someone to put their foot down and give them boundaries that are lacking elsewhere.
8) An example of what the ‘Bullied’ child can gain from the experience is to learn to stand up for themselves, or to mix with other children who might be a ‘better influence’ or more suitable for them.
9) An example of why a ‘Bullying’ child does it, is because they need Power, Freedom, Belonging or Fun, i.e. they feel powerless at home due to under-dominating parents, or have lack of choice due to dominating parents, or are insecure about belong loved or belonging, or are bored.
10) The ‘Bully’ is not ‘horrid’ or ‘evil’ and the ‘Bullied’ is not an ‘angel’. Thinking of them like that will cloud the issues and stop them from being resolved, which is the most important thing.
Now, if any of this pushes some buttons (and I would totally understand if it does, as bullying is a very emotional subject), please read my other blogs before jumping to conclusions. I’m not just saying all this for no apparent reason and with no background. It has come from 10yrs of studying, a 40yr lifetime of experience, plus being a Mum myself. So bear with me, I’m attempting to help us all resolve the growing problems of bullying in the UK.