When the second child is praised for it’s poo, the first child can struggle!

I’ve done a few posts about Curly Headed Boy’s struggles at reception, and the good news is that things definitely seem to be improving.  This morning we had a chat, and it appears that his improved confidence is really affecting his confidence in the class room as well, and he is mixing a lot more with the other children.

There are still several things that I’ve been purposely doing that I need to blog about, and one of them is this really easy tip for improving your child’s confidence, especially when they are a first child and another appears.

The problem is, that Little Dimples at the moment gets praised for pooing, let alone anything else.  Plus she’s awful cute and can get away with lots of general naughtiness.  It’s very easy to forget that Curly Headed Boy is also very good at some things in comparison to other kids his age, and to praise him for these day to day things.  Even his teacher admitted that she doesn’t always remember to praise him because it’s kind of expected that he will do them, so she is actively making sure that he gets stickers and praise at school as well.

So this is a really simple reminder, that even the best parents might need, to be proactive and frequent in your praise.  It’s not the main way of making Curly Headed Boy feel loved (for some it would be extremely important), but it is something he needs.  Plus, I’m making a big effort to praise him as soon as possible after Little Dimples is praised for something, to keep it fair and balanced.

Here are some simple ideas for what are easy things to praise, plus things that you probably want to encourage in a 5yr old, it’s not an exhaustive list, but a good start:

  • saying ‘excuse me’ and not interrupting
  • asking for things politely
  • looking after Little Dimples (which tends to mean behaving in a crazy manner to make her laugh)
  • being patient
  • sitting still at the table
  • eating his dinner/food
  • eating his desert
  • being thoughtful
  • helping with cooking
  • tidying something
  • getting ready without taking half a day
  • doing his homework
  • remembering a new word
  • telling the truth about an accident or breakage

What’s ideas do you have that you can share with people?  Feel free to add them in comments, it would be great to get more.

The great thing is, that it also appears to reduce the number of tellings off required.  We also had a chat a few weeks ago, and he agreed that often the only reason he plays up is to get attention.  So I agreed to try to realise this and be more understanding, and he agreed to try and let me know when he is feeling left out.  So with the two things together, it appears or feels to be a much more harmonious household (don’t imagine perfection, there are still shouty moments, but they are much more useful shouty moments).

Sometimes we need to look outside of our families to realise how lucky we are.  All kids are great, but it’s important to appreciate our own children’s version of great, rather than worry about where they are not great.  If you fancy looking into this in more depth, I’m running a free webinar in a couple of weeks about how to ensure your children reach their full potential, have a look here and see if you fancy it, I’m really sure that it has useful information for all types of parents.

2 comments

  1. Great Post!!! Thank You. I don’t have kids of my own (yet) but relate to this very well from my own childhood. I got very little praise except for over the top exceptional things, the rest was kind of expected. I realise now that that made me focus my energy from a very early age for over the top impressive things – as an adult that gives me all kinds of struggles as the ordinary day-to-day things like routine and rules don’t come easy – even now my brain goes ” what’s the point?”. As a teenager then I had a very distinct moment of thinking ” Nothing I do is right – well then I might as well do whats wrong. It gets a much better reaction!”.
    I am actually take your post and apply it to my hubby … I think it will work equally well. X

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