Brother and sister

#DoSomethingYummy: Can you love two children the same amount?

This post is being written as part of the blog prompt for #DoSomethingYummy  from Typecast which is the campaign for CLIC Sargent Charity for children with cancer.  It hit a note with me because just after Little Dimples was born I had a cancer scare for about 6 months.  The terror that hit me was immense, but there is one thing that I know would feel worse and that would be one of my children falling seriously ill.

Whilst I was writing this post I heard about a little 12yr old boy living near me who is suffering a rare form of cancer.  There is no treatment available in the UK but hope in Germany and the States.  Every little counts, but it’s needed FAST.  Here is his Facebook group and the article in my local paper with more specifics.  While he was in remission, this little boy raised £5000 for charity himself, so I’m hoping that he gets a massive dose of Karmic love back for him.  So far they have raised £21,000, but they need £500,000, so all we need is lots of Mums to give £1 or 100,000 to give £5.  Here is where you donate.

 

Many Mums worry about how they can feel the same about another child after their first.  How could you possibly feel that much love?  For me I felt that my love to Curly Headed Boy got even bigger when I saw how lovely he is with Little Dimples, and how close they are.  My brothers are twenty years older than me, and not close to each other.  So I hadn’t seen that sort of sibling love close up, and it’s really lovely.

I assumed it was obvious to him, but one day I asked my son wether he knew that I loved him as much as my daughter and I nearly cried when he shook his little head.  How could he not know, when I constantly told him I loved him and hugged him?  I was careful to repeatedly remind him afterwards that I love him and that I love him as much as my daughter.  I also remind him when she is naughty, that it was his idea to have another child in the first place!  (He nagged me for a year for a sister; good thing she came out a girl!).

But it is different.  It’s the same amount.  But it’s a different feeling, and they have had different effects on my life.

Curly Headed Boy is my soul mate, its a deep intense love, and he has been a guide to me about who I am and what I want to be in this life.

Little Dimples is my sweetheart, it’s a much lighter love, and she has helped me to get stronger in myself and realise what I love to do in this life.

(Some people might wonder where the big northern hubby might fit into this; he teaches me what I want to have in this life)

It’s a really amazing experience to go from technically barren, to falling pregnant at 36 without trying and then most of all discover that you love being a Mum.  It’s a huge part of why I do what I do as the ‘Mummy whisperer’, because I think I am so, so, so lucky to enjoy it so much.  I love my work, but I love my children more and I hope that I don’t ever have to face the idea of losing them.

 

 


15 comments

  1. After my first daughter was born I could not imagine being able to love another child as much. Now I have 3 and love them all – my heart has just expanded – I know that sounds a bit gushy and a cliche – but true!

  2. It’s lovely to meet someone else with 3 who can say that – I’m not sure it was obvious with my parents that they treated the three boys the same – but maybe they did love them the same despite the differences?

  3. Thanks for highlighting such a very good cause both the general one and the specific individual one.
    It appears we share not having had sibling stuff going on ourselves. My brothers are both almost 20 years older than me.
    Despite the rivalry, when my children show how much they love each other, it is the most wonderful thing.
    You have beautiful children.

    1. Thanks Kate – yes I’d noticed the similarity, we’ve even blogged about similar things over the last couple of months! It’s quite weird having much older brothers isn’t it – like 3 older uncles.

  4. I’ve found your blog through one of our mums posting it in our group on facebook. I run FAN, the charity who are hosting Baileys appeal. I lost my own son to Neuroblastoma after being in the situation Bailey and his family are in right now, so I can vouch for the feelings of desperation and panic. There is also the feeling of hopelessness, but that is the one feeling that everyone who hears about Baileys appeal can alleviate. The more people who donate, even just £1, and the more people spread the word about Bailey and his appeal, the more hope you can give Bailey and his family.
    Thankyou for helping, please donate what you can and tell your friends and readers to do the same as often as possible… £1 this week, £1 next week, we can all manage that.
    Linza xxxx

  5. Wow Linza thank you for replying, and for doing such an amazing thing with FAN – I’ve got lots of ideas, to help Bailey, I’ll keep trying as much as I can. Let me know if you want me to put you in touch with any mummy blogging organisations, incase you decide to run a campaign like CLIC has done.

    1. It is weird isn’t it – and then I watched ’15 and counting’ last night and most of those mums clearly loved all their kids too. Our hearts must just get bigger!

  6. Gorgeous post – and you’re right, you love them the same and equally but differently too. A lot of that comes with confidence as a parent and their own individuality but I could not say that I love any one of my children any more (or less) than another.

    Thanks for sharing this post in the #dosomethingyummy campaign.

  7. You’re right nickie, I think that the only time that it goes wrong is when the parent has lost confidence and the relationship is bound to suffer with their kids.

  8. I really enjoyed your post, I love my daughters deeply but in very different ways. Thanks for sharing and supporting the #dosomethingyummy campaign. I hope the boy local to you gets the treatment he needs.

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