I’m trying to work out whether I’m a fan of discussion or not.  I like a good old chinwag, and brainstorm.  But discussion?  There is a strong tendency in me to want ‘efficiency’;  So a part of me kicks in with ‘seriously, isn’t it obvious?’, but clearly it really often isn’t!

A ‘healthy’ discussion to me is where both sides learn things; either to understand other perspectives, or to shift theirs a little.  It’s where all parties are confident enough in themselves to be open to new ideas, and to not need to convince other people of their . . . → Read More: When Is Discussion Healthy or Unhealthy?]]>

I’m trying to work out whether I’m a fan of discussion or not.  I like a good old chinwag, and brainstorm.  But discussion?  There is a strong tendency in me to want ‘efficiency’;  So a part of me kicks in with ‘seriously, isn’t it obvious?’, but clearly it really often isn’t!

A ‘healthy’ discussion to me is where both sides learn things; either to understand other perspectives, or to shift theirs a little.  It’s where all parties are confident enough in themselves to be open to new ideas, and to not need to convince other people of their ‘right-itude’ (you know what I mean – the fact that they are more right than anyone else in the conversation).

To me an ‘unhealthy’ discussion is where no one hears each other, everyone is stuck in their ‘right-itude’ so it starts to descend quickly into a personal attack.

But I’m seeing as I write this that if there’s to be discussion, there is bound to be a bit of both ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’ in it.  I wonder whether my concern over this has sometimes limited my blog, because I’ll often cover all aspects, rather than leave it to be discussed in the comments?

There have been a lot of incidents over the past few months that have got me thinking, in particular about discussion amongst Mums:

There was a big spat when someone called ‘Real Mum’ (great right-itude name) had a go at one of the newer bloggers, Mammasaurus.  It was just plain old nasty ‘Mums judging Mums’ stuff, quickly descended into bullied victim + persecutor scenario.  But if we all learnt to control our outbursts, would the mummy blogging community literally get bored?

There’s bitching behind the scenes in the mummy blogging community about ‘blagger’s as well.   A number of people commented on a post I wrote called ‘I’m a blagger blogger, fancy joining me‘, without actually reading it, just desperate to not be associated with the term; so not much discussion there.

It’s not just Mummy Bloggers, celeb Mums love to have a good go to; Sally Bercow insulted Kirstie Allsopp in the Daily Mail: which to me felt like a complete waste of time.  Plus publicly slagging off another mother, in a society where Mums aren’t regarded with deep respect anyway, is surely going to just make matters worse?

Twitter is full of spats between celeb mums taking umbrage at someone else using a different parenting technique.  Half of them ended up in the big brother house together, where they realised surprise surprise ‘she’s actually quite nice’!  Perhaps the short written word like Twitter, Facebook or blogs isn’t ideal for discussion?

There’s been some neighbourhood incidents where Mums bitterly fell out mainly due to a lack of empathy for different scenarios, ages, relationship lengths, no’s of children and financial situations.  There was absolutely no discussion which is probably why it went all tits up.  Perhaps ‘pastures new’ will be good for the Mums though?

Whereas there was another little spat in the blogging community back on Mammasaurus’s blog (she must be the lucky one heh!), which seemed to be respectfully resolved in the whole discussion/commenting process between the parties, with the slagging off commenting well controlled.  Perhaps that was a good example of where it’s wise to get things out in the open and discuss them, otherwise it could have become really gruesome in a few months time?

I experienced being involved in a blogging community discussion after launching my ‘Mums Standing Up Together‘ campaign.  I’d approached all the mummy blogging communities, but was more obviously supported by Britmums in their blogging prompts.  Blimey do these women know how to press buttons and get the discussion going.  Initially I was disconcerted (not upset) by the feeling that there were people writing about what I’d said and misunderstanding it.  After lots of tea I decided it had been useful to ensure that I was really clear about what I meant.

At home there are plenty of ‘discussions’ between me and the hubby.  Over 22yrs I’ve tried all sorts of things, like raising issues every couple of months (a bit like the big blow ups in the blogging community), or just compromising and keeping my opinions to myself which isn’t so good for my own identity.  A constant regular stream of little discussions before they blow up seems like the best compromise for us.  It’s unrealistic to not expect misunderstandings between the southern cheeriness of me and the hairy northernness of him.

Finally I saw a conversation on twitter where a mum took umbrage at Kelly Rose Bradford’s article in the Daily Mail and was pulled up for publicly criticising her (the joy of twitter!).  Kelly didn’t reply to all the nasty comments on the Daily Mail and said that ‘I wrote it purely to spark a debate‘, plus that all her family and friends understood her job.  This was a HUGE eye opener to me, because she saw the debate as the objective, whereas I see the resulting consensus or agreement to differ as the objective.  This is potentially where I’ve often been going ‘wrong’.  She didn’t feel the worry that I had about being misunderstood.  What a huge revelation!

I blogged recently about setting Life Priorities for the chinese new year, maybe I need clear ‘people priorities’, so that I can be clear on who it matters understand me?

Oh and it definitely convinced me that photo’s are massively important, because that is one bad photo of you Kelly!  Anyone fancy doing a photo shoot for me in return for a blog post, because mine looks a bit too ‘nice’ (back to the blagging!).

Here is my first post in my series of ‘Healthy Eating For Rubbish Cooks‘ – Yay!

What are the rules I try to follow that make my cooking healthy?

Energy Saving: the problem is how to go about it without appearing like a nag!  Plus my brain isn’t what it was, and although I remember that I was taught how to work out what having a light on would cost, I can’t for the life of me remember how to do it.  With the big hairy northern one home having been made redundant, I’m both wanting to save money and also encourage more light turning off now there are more people in the house!

So . . . → Read More: Smart Meters making the geek and tree hugger in me really happy]]>

Energy Saving: the problem is how to go about it without appearing like a nag!  Plus my brain isn’t what it was, and although I remember that I was taught how to work out what having a light on would cost, I can’t for the life of me remember how to do it.  With the big hairy northern one home having been made redundant, I’m both wanting to save money and also encourage more light turning off now there are more people in the house!

So I’ve considered:

1) Nagging – that’s tiring

2) Making Curly Headed Boy the ‘boss with the power’ and a clipboard so that he can mark down when people forget to turn off lights/plugs/standby thing’s – that’s going to create a monster!

3) Trying to work out the cost – yep like that’s going to work with one brain cell

So I was fascinated when British Gas contacted me about their Smart Meters.  I reckon this is the solution to my problem!  They replace your old Gas and Electricity meters and give you an in house display.  That is going to be so much fun, to see how much everything costs and how much energy it takes up.  (I have a strong amount of geek in my blood, so any gadget is going to get my blood pumping!).

You might remember last time I worked with British Gas that I admitted that I might not have the best Eco qualifications in the world.  However, it makes total sense to me to make the most of what we have by recycling and being careful about our energy usage.  Psychologically if we are thoughtful of our world and careful about how we spend money/energy it reaps benefits in us feeling like there is more value in our life and a greater connection to nature.  Otherwise we are like spoilt unhappy kids who are running around breaking their toys, getting bored quickly and constantly wanting more stuff.  Plus as a parent, energy bills seem to be one of the biggest concerns, so if this can help us easily reduce our bills (they are estimating by 10%), then that would be fab.

By the way, there is also a competition you can join in to win £250 worth of Sainsbury’s vouchers called the ‘Smart Mums Watt Loss Challenge‘, which I’m totally joining in with; so you’d better not win it!

I’m really hoping that I’m on the list to get one of these really soon, I know that they’ve said that they plan to do loads in 2012, so cross fingers I’m one of them.  You can just imagine the geek in me doing happy jumps and the tree hugger smiling all contentedly!

Disclosure: I’m participating in the British Gas Smart Meter campaign. Smart meters work with an in-home display to show how much energy you’re using in pounds and pence. You can see how much you’re spending by leaving your phone charger plugged in all the time, or the heating on at night. And when you can really see how much you’re using, you can start to make small changes to become more efficient. Smart Meters automatically send British Gas readings so they represent the end of estimated bills! British Gas is committed to install 1.5 million smart meters by the end of 2012.

Yesterday I pulled something in my back, it hurts and the last couple of days I’ve fancied a jolly good cry, which means it’s time to listen to a bit of my own advice.   So I’m sharing this, not so that you worry about me, but just so that you know that I too am not always so tough or sorted.

The problem at the moment is feeling a bit overwhelmed with how much needs doing and how many decisions there are to be made.  They could be looked on as ‘ . . . → Read More: Dump, Delegate, Do, Delay – my motto for today]]>

Yesterday I pulled something in my back, it hurts and the last couple of days I’ve fancied a jolly good cry, which means it’s time to listen to a bit of my own advice.   So I’m sharing this, not so that you worry about me, but just so that you know that I too am not always so tough or sorted.

The problem at the moment is feeling a bit overwhelmed with how much needs doing and how many decisions there are to be made.  They could be looked on as ‘opportunities‘ as I did the other day, but today they look like big decisions, that still have a big pile of unknowns and a slow slog uphill to sort them out.  It’s THAT stage.  You know the one where everything is a bit funky and nothing is clear.  I know it will end.  But in the meantime I need to do something so that I don’t get too stressed by it all.

I need to lighten the load a bit, and that’s where ‘Dump, Delegate, Do‘ and my additional ‘Delay‘ come in.  It requires a cup of tea and open mind to do it, because often it feels like there is no leeway for reducing the load (biscuits definitely help with the process!).

When I look at my work To do list and inbox, there are things that are not of big importance for my three overall priorities, so they will sadly need to be dumped or delayed.  Today I have to do my accounts, there’s no getting around that one.  Maybe I need to delay or slow down the ‘Mums Stand Together‘ campaign, whilst I’m writing my ‘weightloss without diets and boring exercise for busy mums‘ and sorting the paperback version of my ‘How to enjoy being a Mum more and get back your sparkle‘ book.

I’ve delayed a lot of cleaning already from weekly to monthly, but things are building up because it’s not clear on when they will get done.  Plus, the big northern one and I are both ‘boss’ types, i.e. we both work well as team leaders, less so as team members.  So we often assume that because someone covered a house chore yesterday, that they will do it again today, and then there is a panic at the end of the day when it’s not been done.  There’s also the general family or kids oriented jobs which are a bit all over the place at times as there are things as mums that we often assume are obvious, but they aren’t.  It’s weirdly helpful having the Big hairy northern one not working, but also not helpful.  So I’ve made a list on a white board, so it’s clear what needs to be done, and hopefully that will help things move along more smoothly.

Writing this I can see that the mistake I’ve made is increasing how many hours I work, because of hubby being around, but not taking into account the additional housework with no cleaner (I don’t get the evenings to catch up because of Little Dimples).  So I’m not getting as much fun ‘play’ time with the kids and I’m getting that ‘not doing any job well’ feeling.  I wonder if it’s the same for everyone, but time management is the step in the 6 steps of my book that I repeatedly have to come back to.  The contentment, health, space, money mgmt and sparkle ones get affected by time massively, but they don’t seem to go off course half as much on their own.  With time, the goal posts seem to be always changing.  Makes sense really, because as the kids grow, so their needs change and everything shifts again.

What I did ‘Do’ yesterday was go for a massage to give my back a break, see a friend and drink some wine.  There will be no running for me for a while, so maybe some walks with the dog and kids will bring back that sense of playtime for me.  Right off I go to get a horrid to do off my back …. my accounts ….. I can already feel the yawn coming on!

I’ve got a plan for a revolution.  First starting with mummy bloggers, and then spreading out into the world.  It’s your revolution too, so I’d like to know what you’d prefer to call it.

So what’s the idea?

A ‘good mother’ is a mother who is herself, not trying . . . → Read More: A Name For Our Revolution: Come and have your say]]>

I’ve got a plan for a revolution.  First starting with mummy bloggers, and then spreading out into the world.  It’s your revolution too, so I’d like to know what you’d prefer to call it.

So what’s the idea?

1. To strengthen the position of Mums in society.
2. To encourage Mums to feel strong and confident in our differences
3. To help them to appreciate that given different circumstances and different shoes, they might be different too

A ‘good mother’ is a mother who is herself, not trying to be someone else.  Therefore we are all going to be different, with different types of families, different backgrounds and different priorities; just plain different.  Difference is interesting.  That’s the objective; for there to be a point to you, because you are a unique you; as Ralph Waldo Emerson (a 19th century philosopher) said “Envy is ignorance, Imitation is Suicide”.  It’s ok to have a different opinion and you can still like/respect me whilst disagreeing with me.  Plus, that if I’m sure of myself, I won’t be threatened by you having a different opinion.  I won’t even need to try to convince you of it.

Mums are incredibly important to society, because we are where things start.  At the moment we don’t have a strong standing in society, and I believe it’s time to change that.  If we publicly have a go at each other and criticise each other (which is different from disagreeing respectfully), that we reduce our power and standing in society, plus waste time and energy.  I’m not suggesting that we can never bitch about someone or sound off to a good mate, as getting it out can be helpful in gaining perspective.  What I’m suggesting is to change what we do after that.

I believe that there is ‘hope for us’ as women, and we don’t have to accept the gender generalisation that a large group of women will always spend time having a go at each other.  I think that we can learn to take a breath, have a cup of tea, and imagine standing in another woman’s shoes to find the common ground; and that by doing so we’ll get the insight to stop slagging each other off.

So here are the ideas for what to call the ‘revolution’.  They’ve come from the first Mums already excited by the idea.  Now we need a name, then a badge, then for some big communities to back the initiative.  So what would you like to call it?  The only ‘rule’ is that the name doesn’t point the finger at another community e.g. Dads or non-mums and that it focusses on what we want rather than what we don’t want; so ‘Mums without judgement’ actually uses words that we don’t want.

If you have a better option, feel free to add it in the comments, otherwise let me know which ones you prefer ….

1) Standing in other Mums shoes

2) Mums stand together

3) Mums in each others shoes

4) United Mums

5) Mums Different United

6) Mums United Different (shortens to Mud)

Which name is the most powerful, the most inspiring?  Which one will people remember?  Please let as many people know as you can, so that we can get as much feedback as possible.

UPDATE: Tag Line and Badge

After all the fabulous comments here and at BritMums, I’ve decided to definitely go for ‘Mums Stand Together’, I’m going to grab the twitter id’s and sites for that and ‘Moms Stand Together’ just incase we need that at some point.

But you guys are right – now I need a tag line!  Plus it must take into account all the concerns – so it’s not about us all agreeing, or not debating, or all being the same.  The main objectives are

1) to help a Mum step back for a moment and think about how she would feel if she stood in the other Mums shoes – hence reduce the in fighting

2) to help us have a stronger presence in society by standing together

Hows about:

Mums Standing Together, strong in our differences?

Also, I either need someone willing to do a swap for a header and badge (I can offer an hours coaching worth £130?) or a company to sponsor someone to do it for me – any ideas?

I reckon I know ‘How to be a good mother’.

Mind you I don’t reckon I get it right all the time.

But I do think I know what I did when I don’t get it right.

Ironically, I was approached for that Channel 4 program with Sharon Horgan on ‘How to be a good mother’.  I was hesitant initially, and then they decided that I didn’t match the bill.  I can see why I didn’t match it as none of my ideas would be extreme enough for them, which is what I expected initially.  But it’s irritating too as . . . → Read More: How To Be A Good Mother: I have the answer]]>

I reckon I know ‘How to be a good mother’.

Mind you I don’t reckon I get it right all the time.

But I do think I know what I did when I don’t get it right.

Ironically, I was approached for that Channel 4 program with Sharon Horgan on ‘How to be a good mother’.  I was hesitant initially, and then they decided that I didn’t match the bill.  I can see why I didn’t match it as none of my ideas would be extreme enough for them, which is what I expected initially.  But it’s irritating too as I’m sure I do know how, and so I question whether Sharon (or her producers) really wanted to find out.

How can I be that arrogant you might ask?  Dunno, but I am, so heh ho!

This picture holds the key.  I look pretty happy and contented don’t I?  Little Dimples is too.  I’m at a work event, so I’m not just being a Mum at the time either.  The key is; I’m being me.

That’s how to be a good mother; be yourself, because that’s who your kids want and that’s who they chose.

Don’t eat placenta’s because someone else told you to, unless it’s something you feel in your heart you want to do.  Don’t breast-feed or formula feed unless it’s in your heart.  Don’t home school if you’d hate it.  Don’t stay at home if you’d go crazy.  Don’t do crafts if you and your kids don’t enjoy it.  Don’t cook using Annabel Karmel’s cook book if it makes your baby cry because it takes ages and then they aren’t interested.  Basically, don’t be a freak who worries about what everyone else is doing, and makes decisions based from the worry/fear of the gut or the logic of the brain.

Follow your heart, that’s where your wisdom is.  It’s a kind of balanced, centred place (not a sentimental gushy place).  It’s there in us all, but the worry, guilt, fear and ‘grrrrrrrr’ means that we don’t hear it.  You can get to it though ….

1. Instead look after yourself, so that you are strong, contented, and know yourself.
2. Spend enough time with your kids to really know them well too.
3. Then you’ll be able to hear your own intuition and balance and juggle your needs AND theirs (not just theirs)
4. Stop worrying about how other people do it and how much better their lives or their mothering is, and remember that the grass is never greener.
5. Do a bit of research and get a bit of knowledge, but not too much; use discernment about what suits you and suits your kids
6. Think about why you are lucky to have your life and appreciate what you have, rather than wasting time on what ifs.

That’s my answer anyway.  What do you reckon?  Do you really think your kids want someone else as a Mum, or someone trying to be someone else?

With Christmas credit card bills enroute, Little Dimples birthday one month away, and hubby still looking for a job having been made redundant, my money saving tips are definitely relevant for me, so I thought this one might help you too.

I call it the ‘Use everything up month‘!  It’s great when combined with a good de-clutter, and if you want to make a bit of extra money a quick . . . → Read More: Money Saving Tip: Use up month!]]>

With Christmas credit card bills enroute, Little Dimples birthday one month away, and hubby still looking for a job having been made redundant, my money saving tips are definitely relevant for me, so I thought this one might help you too.

I call it the ‘Use everything up month‘!  It’s great when combined with a good de-clutter, and if you want to make a bit of extra money a quick take back of presents that didn’t fit, or selling on Ebay or Car boot sales, and a look at what expenses can be quickly cut.

We often go out and buy things that we didn’t really need right at this minute, don’t we?  My particular downfalls are lipgloss, and face products.  I’ve basically banned myself from Boots from this time forward!  So it’s time to take a good look at what is in your cupboards and use them all up before you go out and buy more stuff.

What’s your downfall? …

Food

• Anything you got in a BOGOF (mine are pasta bake sauces which seemed like a good idea at the time)
• There are those tins at the back of the cupboard that you keep just in case (my mother had ones that were 20yrs old!)
• And the old bags of stuff so that you can bake things that you didn’t bake (that’ll be hubby’s job as he’s the one that can cook in my house)
• The FREEZER! (mines not too bad actually, but it’s small, so it can’t be.  But that Tuna needs eating!)
• Jars off stuff to be used up in sauces (We got a free risotto one I haven’t used yet)

Beauty Products

• Body moisturiser (I keep saving it for a special day, so I have way more than I need)
• Shampoo (I have a friend who has so many bottles, I can’t believe you need more than one type surely?)
• Presents from relatives (heh it might be useful, and who cares if you smell a bit weird!)
• Face wash/masks (you might as well, they’ll go off otherwise)
• Make up (don’t let yourself get tempted by the pretty colours until you’ve finished what you have)

Other

Think about how much money you can save in a month.  If you don’t have to buy much for 5 meals, you could be drastically reducing your food bill.  If you don’t add any beauty products to the list, I bet you’ll save a fortune.  And even though I thoroughly recommend my book as it’s only 99p (and btw you can read kindle books without a kindle), those 99p’s can really add up.

Got any tips or blog posts about using stuff up, feel free to add them below!

For years I have taken the attitude that the Big Hairy Northern Hubby knew something I didn’t when buying me presents, and that given time if they didn’t quite hit the spot immediately, their purpose would become clear.  Not sure that quite worked with the model of the Star Ship Enterprise, but with most things it did.  He has always been very generous and ‘its the thought that counts’ right?

Well, this year I’ve taken a difficult and much harder decision.  To take back about 80% of what I was given.  We’d agreed to not spend . . . → Read More: Would you take back a present, or is it mean and rude?]]>

For years I have taken the attitude that the Big Hairy Northern Hubby knew something I didn’t when buying me presents, and that given time if they didn’t quite hit the spot immediately, their purpose would become clear.  Not sure that quite worked with the model of the Star Ship Enterprise, but with most things it did.  He has always been very generous and ‘its the thought that counts’ right?

Well, this year I’ve taken a difficult and much harder decision.  To take back about 80% of what I was given.  We’d agreed to not spend much on each other, and were very careful on the kids, but clearly once out shopping with the extremely eager Curly Headed Boy all restraint was off.

Normally I would probably have found someone with bigger hands for the running gloves (I have freakishly small hands).  I’d have kept the big dressing gown as a spare and gone out and bought the little short one I really wanted.  More importantly I would have waited for the purpose to come clear for the very expensive snow boots, big fluffy hat, ear muffs, gloves and matching hat.  But, I’d forgotten to mention something quite important to hubby;  I don’t have a winter coat that fits me (apart from one that would work in the arctic, but would kill me in a shop), and I was really struggling with clothes having lost 2 stone this year and needing a lot of clothes.

So I made the very difficult decision to take it back (still keeping the gorgeous PJ’s and bracelet, so it wasn’t all wrong).  I felt guilty at not buying as much as him.  When I worked out how much he’d spent I felt angry and worried about the coming months living on a budget while he looks for work.  I was furious with the snooty woman in the shop that would only give me a credit note for most of the stuff.  I was even more furious a couple of days ago when I tried to sell the credit note she gave me and found that she had taken a ‘fee’ without informing me (got to look into the legalities of that).

I’m hoping that the hairy one is OK with the change in my present keeping/giving back behaviour, because I actually feel much better about it now after a week or so (I started writing this blog post last week but didn’t get a chance to post it).

My lessons learnt are:

1. Don’t buy from small shops without checking about refunds
2. Take stuff back quickly, some shops have a deadline of 2 weeks
3. Taking it back in the sales is fab; you get more bang for your buck!
4. Although uncomfortable admitting a present isn’t right, it’s worth taking it back
5. Don’t give people a present that’s too generous, it can make them feel guilty
6. Don’t give people a present that is more than was agreed on, it makes them feel uncomfortable, not full of glow at your generosity

Did you take any presents back this year?  Where you lucky and got fab ones, or did you get some doozies?  Have you had that experience where someone has given you much more than you were expecting and you felt guilty?

I’m not a fan of New Years Resolutions, I think it’s more a time for maybe a bit of a detox, clear out and rest or rejuvenation.

Later on at the end of the month is a better time, when we hit the chinese new year (That’s how I did mine last year).

Or an even better solution is to have NO resolutions at all.

Instead, pick your Top 3 Life Priorities.

Life Priorities help you to organise your time, energy and money spends . . . → Read More: An alternative to New Years Resolutions: Your Top 3 Life Priorities]]>

I’m not a fan of New Years Resolutions, I think it’s more a time for maybe a bit of a detox, clear out and rest or rejuvenation.

Later on at the end of the month is a better time, when we hit the chinese new year (That’s how I did mine last year).

Or an even better solution is to have NO resolutions at all.

Instead, pick your Top 3 Life Priorities.

Life Priorities help you to organise your time, energy and money spends for the year ahead and only focus on what is important to you.  Imagine a year where you can finish it feeling satisfied that you covered all the most important bases (not everything, just the important stuff); it’s a good feeling!

I talk about how to pick your top priorities and find out more about you as a person and what you love to do, or have or who you love to spend time with in my book.  So if you w ould like a really full description, check it out the video here.

To do it ..

1. Get an hour to yourself (if possible, otherwise do it on the fly)
2. Get a piece of paper and put on some music that relaxes or inspires you
3. Think about everything that happened recently or in the last year that you can feel really grateful for  (this means the ideas come from the heart, not the logic of the mind or emotion of the gut).
4. Now think about looking back at the end of your life
5. What do you most want to be sure you have achieved?  What would you be gutted not to have?
6. Pick 3.

I know three isn’t many, and that you will actually have lots of other priorities, and you are welcome to write down the others as well.  But what I do want you to just pick 3.  You’ll want to refine and polish them as time goes by, so don’t worry about making them perfect.

Mine are:

Why bother?  Because we all get tired, overwhelmed, stressed, overloaded, exhausted, knackered, unfocussed and end up fire fighting and headless chicken running around at some point.

If every morning you remind yourself what your top 3 priorities are, you will be able to make sure that AT LEAST those are done, and then the rest.  Plus loads of things you’ll just not bother to do, saving you time, energy and money.

What it means is that:

• I make time to hug my kids, because otherwise I get unhappy.
• I exercise 3 times a week, and eat pretty healthily.
• When work opportunities come up and I’m busy, I pick the ones that help me to spread my books

Fancy it?  Pop your top 3 priorities below when you’ve done it.  If you blog about it you are very welcome to add a link in a comment to any blog posts you write about it, so that other Mums can get ideas for how it helps or what affect it has on you.

I can’t wait to hear what you pick!

I know this post is a bit late for christmas, but there is all the birthday’s next year and Christmas in 12 months time.

Basically, BEWARE buying presents for people without being sure of the refunds policy, especially if it’s not a big name shop you are buying from.  You may end up only being able to get a credit note, exchange or even worse, nothing at all.

Also, if you do want to take things back, get your butt going, because you might be running out of time; I ran into that problem after one of . . . → Read More: Beware the refunds policy when buying presents]]>

I know this post is a bit late for christmas, but there is all the birthday’s next year and Christmas in 12 months time.

Basically, BEWARE buying presents for people without being sure of the refunds policy, especially if it’s not a big name shop you are buying from.  You may end up only being able to get a credit note, exchange or even worse, nothing at all.

Also, if you do want to take things back, get your butt going, because you might be running out of time; I ran into that problem after one of my birthday’s, thanks Swarosky; not shopping with you again after being your biggest fan ever.

The Money Saving Expert has a great summary of our legal rights in this summary of refunds policies.

In these harder financial times, it might be difficult for small businesses to survive, but what they need to understand is that customer service is the key to our choice of where to shop, and so is making sure that we have security on our expenditure.

Today I was able to take back a dressing gown to Next from the hairy northern one, just because it was too long and I’d asked for a short one.  Thirty minutes later I took back a dressing gown for Little Dimples that I’d just bought in the sales, because I’d found a much more suitable one in Sainsburies.  That makes Next a safe bet when it comes to presents or buying things for my family.

Compare this please to the snooty, back tempered woman in ‘Its all about sports‘, which is a shop selling snow and sports kit near Willows farm.  Her face said it all when I walked in with the big fluffy snow boots, hat, gloves, bag and ear muffs that I’d been given for christmas from my family.  At no point in the buying of all that stuff by the Big hairy northern husband and Curly headed boy had the sales assistant said ‘I assume you aren’t buying this for yourself, so be warned that we don’t give refunds’.  There was no sign.  There is nothing on their website.  It’s unclear as to wether you’d get a refund if you returned something bought on the internet from them in their terms and conditions.  But she is perfectly within her rights to self-righteously think I’m lucky that they give a credit note.

Well honey (yes, that is meant to be patronising), at some point I’ll spend that credit note, and when hubby is has a job again and I have money to spend I won’t be coming to you, and I’ll be making sure that all my friends know how ‘helpful’ you were as well.  Oh and I’ll be reposting this blog post next Christmas too.

Have you encountered shops that only give credit notes for things clearly bought as christmas or birthday presents?  Please do share here and add a comment!  And remember when buying from smaller shops or places you don’t often go to check their refunds policy.

Please name and shame below if you have had the problem yourself.