Stress

Where to go for help with stress: A summary of different therapies

Stress
Stress

So, you are stressed, unhappy, discontented, dis-satisfied, miserable, unhappy, overwhelmed, down, depressed; and it’s been a while.

Your body is now rebelling and you are getting problems with your sleep, stomach, memory, exhaustion and aches and pains.

You’ve read all my stuff about what stress is with some hints and tips on what to do.

You’ve checked out my favourite books for when you feel overwhelmed or depressed, including mine.

But you need some outside help from a professional, so where to go?

I’m going to give a brief introduction to some of the therapies that might help.  They are all my views, based upon my experiences, so some people may disagree!  However, the idea is to have a look and see which ones jump out to you as suiting you.

 

Counselling

Who are you ?
Who are you ?

Available free from NHS if you can wait, or private.

Tends to be pretty cheap e.g. £40 per session.

Face to face.

But takes a long time.

Basically the idea is that you talk about stuff, so that you can dig down to find out ‘why’ you feel the way that you do.  It is really useful if you aren’t sure why, and for some people just understanding can shift the problem.

The downside is that for others, they just get stuck deeper in the story of their lives and become more of a victim.

 

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

Available free from the NHS if you can wait, or private.

Tends to be pretty cheap e.g. £40 per session.

Face to face or over the phone/skype.

I love CBT, it’s what got me interested in personal development in the first place over 20yrs ago.  It helps you to tackle the thoughts that are running around in your head and look at life a different way.  The idea is that by behaving differently we will get a different outcome from situations.

I think it is quicker, but maybe less deep and therefore if you don’t understand much about your thought processes/past it will be difficult to use it to get over bigger problems.  Plus, behaving differently doesn’t always make people react differently.

 

Coaching

Tends to be private and ranges from cheap to very expensive.

Face to face or over the phone/skype.

A coach is more focussed on the present and giving you goals that you can aim for and less about trauma’s from your past.

Be careful and thoroughly check their training and experience, as currently there aren’t any laws about who can and can’t call themselves a coach.

Some people use NLP (neurolinguistic programming) in the coaching, to help you.  Simply put they look at how your language affects your mind and therefore your behaviour.  I personally find it a little too orientated towards the mind.  I prefer a more intuitive approach with a more feeling/heart centered objective.  It can feel very manipulative, but it is’t without merit.

 

Hypnotherapy

Normally private.  Starting to get more expensive probably £60 or more.

But quicker.

You MUST get a well trained, well experienced hypnotherapist.  But if you get one, this can be a quick method of going into the past and working out what is causing your pain and then dealing with it.  Make sure that if they ‘remove’ a negative habit that they replace it with a positive alternative.

 

tapping points
Picture from Nick Ortner

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)

Private.  But can be cheap and you can learn it yourself.  Probably £60.

I suspect the usefulness of it depends on the experience and intuition of the practitioner and how comfortable you feel with them.

EFT has been around for a while, but I didn’t become interested until recently.  I think that it has settled down now and is a very well established option.  The idea is that by discussing our problems whilst tapping on certain meridian points (energy points in the body), it reduces how upset we are about it, then we will be able to see things differently and find a new way of seeing our life or tackling the problem.  It can be very light e.g. just looking at a headache, or go deeper into why.

The great thing is that you can learn it yourself and therefore also use it at home for smaller issues.  I really recommend Nick Ortner’s book ‘The Tapping Solution’.

 

Kinesiology Based Therapies

Private.  Much more expensive.  But much quicker.

I learned a form of kinesiology 10yrs ago (Resonance Repatterning) which is very quick at dealing with people’s problems (I used to specialise in serious mental health issues).  The body has a muscular on/off reaction which you can use to check what beliefs and problems you have.  It’s great because it bi-passes your opinions and the potential biases of the practitioner, to make sure that you actually get to the ‘real’ truth really quickly.  Then a healing technique will be used to ‘shift’ the problem and replace it with a more positive option.

There are several different options, some more structured than others.  It can be a bit wacky, but very effective.

Nutritionist/Naturopath

Supplements
Supplements

Normally private (dieticians might be free).  Mid-priced around £60

It’s amazing what physical problems and some emotional ones can be resolved with the help of a nutritionist (better than a dietician in my opinion) or naturopath.  The naturopath training is longer and more rigorous, but they are also more likely to suggest bigger changes to your patterns and they can suggestion supplements and herbs to help you out as well.

Never under estimate the power of a simple supplement, mineral, vitamin or herb.  In fact if you start to take a few, I would recommend checking in with a professional to make sure that the combination you are taking is OK.

 

 

Herbalist/Homeopath

Private.  Often after a long initial session, they can help you quickly and you only pay a small amount.

I’m a big fan of homeopathy, but it hasn’t worked well for me so far.  You get a little sugar pill that is meant to redress the balance in the body and can help with emotional, mental or physical problems.

Herbalism has helped me a lot and is of course where modern medicine started.

 

Reiki

Reiki
Reiki

Private.  But normally cheap and you can learn it yourself.  Probably £60.

Reiki is a lovely form of hands on healing where the practitioner gently touches or hovers their hands just above the body.  It can help physical, mental and emotional problems.  I became a ‘Reiki Master’ 13 yrs ago – it’s not that clever actually, it basically means ‘teacher’.  I LOVE Reiki for it’s simplicity.  But be warned, some of the people who do Reiki are mad as a box of frogs (in the nicest way!) and although it has improved, there is no standard teaching, so some people mix in other alternative therapies e.g. crystal healing and all sorts.

Please don’t jump to learn it straight away – take some time out for yourself first.  If you do learn it, remember to focus on just yourself and your family first.  Don’t run off to heal the world!

There are also other forms of healing.  Some people are just ‘natural’ healers, i.e. they are born with or got the ability to give healing to people.  Others are ‘spiritual healers’, which means that they believe they get help from other spiritual beings.

 

Physical therapies

Private.  Can be cheap if you find someone local, but expensive in salons.

E.g. Massage, Reflexology, Shiatsu Massage, Bowen Technique, Chiropractor, Osteopath

You could easily get a lovely therapist to give you a massage or reflexology session, talk through your worries and get a lovely relaxing treatment at the same time.  This is a very viable alternative and helps support the body while you are stressed.

 

More

Demartini Method – this was the final therapy that I learned (I’m a senior certified facilitator).  It tends to be more expensive, but very transformative and is based upon the healing power of gratitude.

Meta Medicine – a great method for discovering hidden reasons or potential events that had a hand to play in physical illnesses.

The Work of Byron Katie – A very simple method with just 4 questions, that you can also read about and use in your own life.  I find that one of the questions reduces about 80% of my stress levels.

 

Overall

My advice is that we ALL need OUTSIDE help from time to time and sometimes our friends and family are not the right people to help us.

However, it would be unwise to ALWAYS rely on outside help as that doesn’t help to improve our self-esteem and sense of independence and self-sufficiency.

When picking someone to work with, they need to be strong enough to challenge you a little, otherwise you won’t be able to break out of your patterns.  However, you need to have a good rapport with them and feel very safe and certain of them – that is probably the most important thing.

You are also looking for someone you appears to be pretty sorted, or at least more sorted than you are in the particular area of life that you are struggling with.  It’s fine if they have experienced the problem, it’s just that you want them to be past it!

Another ‘rule’ is not to ‘overwork’ yourself.  So don’t have a massage in the same week as a therapy session etc.  Always leave time for you to adjust after a session.

I hope that this gives you an nice easy introduction to some of the options, therapies and alternative treatments that are available.  You are very welcome to tweet/facebook me for more information or if you hear of a therapy I haven’t mentioned.

Have you used any of these?

Did you find them useful?

 

How to show your kids you love them

Do our kids really know that we love them?

How to show your kids you love them

We love out kids right?

Even when they are being little sh*ts!

But we do get frustrated and angry sometimes.  We do let ‘life’ get in the way.

And with horror we sometimes realise that our kids don’t know how much we love them.

It can even get to the awful stage that they get hurt and angry and tell us that they hate us.

 

I remember with horror the night I tucked Curly Headed Boy into bed 6 months after Little Dimples was born and said ‘You do know I love you as much as her don’t you?’ and this sad little boy just shook his head.

HOW COULD HE NOT KNOW I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART?  I was always telling him and hugging him.  But life is difficult with a new baby in the house.

 

So, if you are having problems with your kids and they are attention seeking (i.e. being sh*tty), saying they hate you or feeling distant from you, here are my three top tips for turning it all around with a little routine at the end of bed time every night.

 

1) Three Best Things

This is a good calming exercise for the end of the day and helps them learn to see that life is never all bad.

Everyone says what the ‘3 Best things’ were that happened today.  It’s basically counting your blessings.

You do it too, so that they get an idea of what is going on in your life (how many times do I realise that the kids are blissfully unaware of what Mummy does all day!).

There are ALWAYS three things if not more, so keep helping them to look even if it’s just for a sunny day or cup of hot chocolate (coffee in your case).

 

2) I Love You …

I want my kids to know that I love ALL of them.  Every little last bit of them.  I don’t love them despite the bad bits, I love them totally.

So every night I say …

I LOVE YOU

From the top of your head, to the bottom of your toes <point to top of head and toes>,

From your squiggly insides to your outsides <tickle tummy>,

From your naughty side to your good side <point to one cheek and the next>,

From here to infinity <point to the nose and up into the sky>

 

3) Special Together Time 

Oliver James has written a whole book on this called ‘Love Bombing’ which is currently on my ‘to read’ list.  The theory is that you spend a day with one  of your kids and from the beginning to the end it’s all their decision about what you guys do.

Now this doesn’t work for me with Little Dimples being so young, and it would be really difficult for a single parent to do regularly.

But the concept is good; make sure that in a month you get to spend some time alone with each child doing something that brings you closer and reconnects you.  If you make it a habit, then they will know that they will get this time, so they don’t have to kick off to get your attention.  If you can only get 15 mins, then make the most of what time you have.  An hour would be fab; whatever you can manage.

Then maybe once a year try to get half a day with each child on their own for a special treat.

 

 

Is it possible to have romance and kids?

I’d Love To Hear Your Stories

It happens in so many relationships that people don’t feel loved, despite us thinking it is obvious.

And I think it’s easy to fall into the trap of saying hurtful things to each other when we are tired and upset about things.

Just remember that if your kids are angry with you, it’s probably just covering up some hurt, so all they need is for you to understand their emotional immaturity and help them feel better.

All children love their parents, it’s just that things like guilt, fear, anger, hurt etc can get in the way of our relationships with them.

 

The key is to make it a habit to show them you love them and build daily confidence in your kids.

Do you have little fun things you do with your kids to reconnect?  I’d love to know.
If you try out these tips, let me know how they go!

Exhaustion Tips: My Top Tips For Getting Your Energy Back Fast

I’ve written a lot about how to get more energy and deal with exhaustion.  But I thought it might be an idea to write my favourite top 10 tips for dragging myself back from the brink in double quick time.  I’d recommend bookmarking it for ‘times of trouble’ or just before the holiday season when you need a quick perk up in order to survive the holidays and enjoy them.

 

I did wonder whether the fact that I have to do this means that I’m doing something wrong?  Then I decided it’s all just a fact of life when you have two young kids, not much sleep and are trying to work from home.  Anyway, I don’t have enough energy to feel guilty about not having enough energy; that crazy circle will just keep going on and on and on.

 

So in order of priority (and I don’t do them all, it just depends on why I’m tired as to which one I do).

 

1) Floradix – this is a liquid iron and mineral supplement, great for tired Mums, especially if you are breastfeeding

2) Epsom salts bath – get a big bag from a health food shop for about £5 and put 2 cups in the bath.  Then soak for 20mins.  It still works if the kids are in with you, it just isn’t as restful!

3) Blueberries – magic little blue balls, no idea how they do it, but they work a treat

4) Music – the perfect fast pick me up when I have something I’ve got to do

5) One step at a time – when I’m shattered and it’s the end/beginning of the day I just start with one thing first and take it slowly one step at a time.  I aim to get the priorities sorted i.e. food cooked, cleared up, kids clean and in bed and ignore everything else.  It’s a bit like the blue fish Dory on ‘Finding memo’ who says “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming”

6) Walk – If I can get 20 mins to go for a walk outside on my own it really helps me.  I suppose it might be because I’m half tree hugger, but I’m pretty sure it works for everyone.

7) Massage/reflexology – I find reflexology is amazing when I’m at the end of my tether and very reasonable with a local Mum

8) Hour to myself to go out – oh the bliss to go out, ALONE, to pootle and not have anyone need me for 60 minutes.

9) Write down the rubbish out of my head – If I’m also worried/stressed I get a notebook and write all the rubbish out of my head.

10) Count my blessings – Then I try to look at what I have got and can be grateful for, which really helps

So there they are, my top emergency tips for Mums who need energy ASAP.
Do you have any to share?
Need some more?  Check out the rest of my tips on getting more energy, or eating more healthily.  I’ve got a post coming up about sleep deprivation in the next couple of weeks as well.
(No one paid me for the mentions by the way)

Tip No3 For Families Dealing With Redundancy – Listing Opportunities

So as you know the big hairy northern hubby has been made redundant, and I blogged about the first steps to do, which included wallowing and getting some perspective on the old job.  Then I blogged about how important it is to look at the basic foundations of your life to strengthen you whether you have or are worried about being made redundant.

Now we are going to start to look at some ideas for the way ahead.  It’s very key to have the mind set that there is a ‘silver lining’ waiting out there for you and you are going to snap it up.

So, what could be the ‘opportunity’ for you in being made redundant?  I’m going to list a pile for you, because I know it can be tricky sometimes to even think it through.

I’m hoping for tonnes of comments to add to the ideas and give you a boost of confidence too.

 

 

First there are some basic ones to do with a slight change of job:

  • Work with different people – maybe you weren’t really a match for them, maybe they were mean, maybe they socialised a bit too much and you need to drink less, maybe they were boring?  The HR people actually told me once that it must be stressful for me to work in Oracle because I was so different!
  • Change what you do – maybe you would like less stress, or to focus on just one area, or have more variety?  I was better with a job that didn’t have too many big highs and lows, so support was much more consistent for me in comparison to consultancy.
  • Change which area you work in – Your skills might easily translate to another area of the business or a similar one.  I get bored quickly so when I worked in IT I went through consultancy, training, project management, support, account management and software engineering!
  • Change the hours you work – perhaps the days were too long, or you could go part-time?
  • Change the commute – maybe there is something nearer that would be better, or on a different tube line that would reduce the stress levels
  • Reduce or increase the travel – do you want see more or less of the world?
  • Change how much you were paid – did you need a kick to earn what you deserve, or would you like less responsibility and less money?
Then we can think out of the box a bit:
  • Change the work-childcare mixture in the family – perhaps you would work less days and your partner would like to work more? One of our best friends now works a reduced hour week and it makes total sense.
  • Work abroad – maybe it would suit the family to go away for a few years, learn a new language or see a new culture or have a better quality of living
  • Go contracting or consulting – I can’t believe I never did this for a while when I worked in IT, we are thinking it might be a good short term option while we think through all the options.
  • Move location – we are thinking of going back to good old Bristol
  • Start your own company or small business
  • Take a family gap year – I’ve always wanted one of these
  • Take a period of time out to rethink – maybe you need a massive change and time to get healthier physically, emotionally and mentally?
  • Take time out from work and spend it with the kids? maybe with some cuts and the money from the redundancy you could literally stop work for a while?
Each option has ups and downsides obviously and we are a little worried about the effects of some of them long term.  But I think the key is to balance the logic and practicality of your head, with the fear and intuition of your gut and the whispers in your heart.
I’d LOVE your ideas or experiences; maybe they could help us or some of the other people who read this blog.

 


Are you looking after the foundations of your health, strength and vitality?

Life is getting tricky at the moment.  Since the big hairy northern hubby got made redundant, all I keep getting is messages about how it’s happening to loads of people.  Then there are the awful stories about mainly men who freak out and kill themselves or their whole family just because they have gone down the financial pan.

So I’m going to get on my soap box for a bit, because there is no harm in making sure that you are strong enough just incase things go wrong.  It’s like buying insurance and putting it in a drawer just incase you need it.  In this case the insurance is all about taking care of yourself, getting stronger and enjoying your life as it is.  That way you have the strong foundations to handle whatever life throws at you, and if life doesn’t throw anything at you, then you gained anyway.

I was where some of you are.  I was trying to make life work, be a great mum, work, be a wife, and keep all the juggling going.  But life started to get really hard for me when Little Dimples was born (the reasons really don’t matter, it’s just life), and for a year I got worse and worse, eventually ending up quite pathetic, very weak and terribly shocked at how I’d managed to get there.  I wouldn’t really call it depressed, because I was able to pull myself out of it, but it wasn’t a contented place either, despite Little Dimples.

On January 11th of 2011 I woke up one morning and thought ‘F*ck this for a game of laughs’ and started turning it around.  On November 11th of 2011 I published my book about it and it hit the best sellers list straight away; which is slightly freaky!

This time I did it the ‘right way’.  Because I’m a ‘coach’ type person I’d often go straight to problem solving, therapy or personal development types of stuff.  But I was in too bad a state to do that.  So I started at the beginning with the basics.  I blogged as I went, not always sharing how tough life was, but giving the odd hint here and there (you can see the blogs under the ‘sparkling you’ tab).  Gradually I realised what I’d always ‘known to be true’, but I really ‘got it’ at last.  A mum needs her foundations to be strong.  They are the foundations upon which she will stand and hold up her family in times of trouble.  They will help her support her hubby when he struggles.  Most importantly they will keep her going.  In many ways there is no point in doing the ‘clever stuff’ if the foundations aren’t in place, because everything will just come tumbling down.  Frankly, thank God I did it, because otherwise the last couple of months would have been really crap; whereas instead they’ve just been challenging and I can see the possibilities in them.

So what are these foundations?

  1. Simple ways of keeping mentally focussed on what we wants in our life and what we are grateful for, so that we can feel more contented and less worried about what is lacking.  Things that don’t take any extra time per day, and are practical to fit into a busy Mum’s life and help us to work out what our big priority is going to be.
  2. Sorting out our time with Dump, Delegate, Do and Delay according to what our priority is and making sure that there is time for other sides of life.  It is so important to keep the rest of our life going, not just as mums, because that is our safety net when the shit hits the fan.  You won’t believe the help I’ve been getting from the Mummy Blogging community over the last couple of weeks, to try and get my blog to pay more and take the pressure off.
  3. Getting Healthier and Fitter, because the body does an awful lot to keep us emotionally stable and give us stamina to keep going in the toughest times.  My running girls are great, come rain or shine, someone is daft enough to come out with me!
  4. Organise the house so that there is space to breath in by de-cluttering and organising it, otherwise for many it can be a constant source of discomfort all day long.  There is often so little time in the day, but there are ways of saving time and effort when the house flows well for the family.
  5. Sort out the financial mgmt so that it’s clear how the money is and will be spent.  It’s not about blame, it’s about being sure what the situation is so that you can adapt if need be.  I’m sure that you can imagine how important it is for us as a family now to know how we can cut costs quickly and easily, and we can only do that because we had a clear budget.
  6. Then add a serious amount of sparkle!
You might be surprised to see no talk of relationships in the list (thats my next book!), but that is because I focussed on what a Mum could adapt and change all on her own.  There is no need to change the kids, the partner, the friends, the house, the job or the financial situation.  It’s about making what you have got work before you move onto improving the rest.  I can’t tell you how much difference this has made to me, but I know that the people close to me have felt it, and that the Mums who were testing my book over the summer are beginning to get there now as well.
I’ve talked to so many Mums and clients this week who don’t have these foundations set, so I thought I would blog about them as maybe lots of people are thinking about it this week;  They aren’t clever foundations.  They aren’t some big complicated new personal development technique.  But they will work.
I really hope that with my book I can help thousands of Mums get stronger; which at the moment is really important as things out there in the economy still look gloomy.  That’s one of the reasons why I self-published instead of the traditional route.  This way my book is just 99p (you can read it on a Computer, phone, iPad or Kindle) and nearly everyone can afford it.
Anyway, wether you buy my book or not, just remember to check and see that your basic foundations are strong, and that you are taking care of yourself.  You are important in your family, and you deserve to enjoy your life.

If you’d like more information about the book <click here>

If you’d like to buy it <click here> (UK) or <here> (US) or search for ‘Mummy Whisperer’ on your local Amazon site.

<<Click here to find out how to read a Kindle book without a Kindle!>>

If you’d like to ask me a question please come and join my Facebook page.

I might be an ‘orphan’ but I’m so lucky with the adoptive mothers who appear for me

When I was pregnant with Curly headed boy I became an ‘orphan’.  Sounds daft to think of it like that at 36 years old; but 6yrs, 16yrs, 26yrs, 36yrs or more and having no parents does feel like being an ‘orphan’.  When you are an ‘orphan’ and therefore have no parents, what crosses your mind is that the two people who were meant to love you whatever you do are no longer there.  It’s actually a flawed thought because my parents weren’t actually that perfect and my relationship with them needed considerable work (that’s an understatement).  But when you lose them  big fantasies about what life with them in it would be like and lots of deeply held beliefs you never even really knew existed pop up; so you are suddenly an ‘orphan’.

Mum saw me pregnant, which is a huge blessing, but suddenly died a couple of days later, so she never saw my son or my daughter.  It was tough being pregnant and grieving, and it no doubt shaped my quite gentle parenting of Curly Headed Boy and choices of some attachment parenting options.  But ironically it was harder being pregnant with Little Dimples a few years after Mum died, when I really felt how much I was still saddened by losing my Mum and Dad (dad died when I was 20).

Luckily for me I know how to work on grief so that it doesn’t continue to cause the pain and suffering in my life, but I do still have to look at it from time to time when I see something else that I feel I’m missing;  Like a grandmother for my children (on my side, the hairy northern one is lucky enough to have both his parents), or someone to care for me, or someone to guide me, or someone who loves me just as I am warts and all.  One of the exercises that I help grieving people with is to show them that what they are missing, is still there, it just doesn’t look the same as it used to.  It’s a tough exercise sometimes for sure, but imagine how much better they feel when they are no longer feeling like they ‘miss something’, and just think about how much closer to their loved ones they will feel when they are not distressed any more (you can feel close to someone, even if they have passed on).

I’ve been thinking about Mum over the last couple of days as the anniversary of her death is August the 9th, and northern hairy hubby is away working in america, so I’ve had time to think.  Today I was struck with how incredibly luckily I am to have so many people step into the shoes of my Mum and Dad.

I have the little Irish Granny that I found in Tescos looking after my kids, in the way that a grandmother does.  They are being fed all the food that I would never do, being taken to parks, and playing with old furniture together in a way that they just don’t do at home; today they looked like a proper brother and sister being naughty with their grandmother.  (Of course this often means the next day I have crazed kids who need to be reminded of the house rules and come down from a sugar high).

At the same time I had someone Curly Headed Boy has called ‘Sparkly Lady’ help me with the focus of my work and my life (I might be a coach who can sort my own life out, but the best coaches go to someone else as well to keep them in line every now and again).  This woman is full of love for me, and over the past year has been a shoulder to cry on and a gentle director to keep me going in the right direction.  Without her you guys wouldn’t be about to get my new book ‘Six Weeks To A Sparkling You’.  Ironically, she can mother so many because she doesn’t have children of her own, which makes her the ultimate mother, but because she is helping me with my dreams and business, there is a big dash of my Dad in her as well (Dad was a very imaginative person when it came to business).

Then I am faced with the indomitable amazonian american adoptive mum who is trained in the same therapy as myself.  This woman loves me just as I am, and I feel safe talking to her, because she can see my crap, but still adore me.  She inspires me as a mother does, and gives me that sense of having a mentor to look up to, not in a ‘they are better than me’ kind of way, but in a ‘what fabulous footsteps to follow or walk beside’ kind of way.

My mum tended to focus on being a ‘friend’ to me rather than a Mum, and I also have some great friends now a days.  At the moment there are too many to mention, so thank you to them all, but a special mention goes out to the ones who very much fill my Mums shoes: There is SB who comes laden with blueberries and healthy snacks to re-energise me, and SM who is packed with listens to me whenever I call.  Then TL who shares a bottle of bubbly with me every now and again, and JB who is full of pragmatic advice.

I am truly a lucky Mum and daughter to have these women in my life.  So if you have a Mum, give her a call or a hug today.  But if you don’t have a mum, think about what is missing and then have a look around you at all the people who are filling the gap.  They are there, and it feels lovely to see them.  It’s not about forgetting them, they will actually feel closer to you the less that you ‘miss’ them or grieve for them.

Give your kids a hug too, and for this weekend try to not worry about everything that you have got to do.  Because when you are gone, they will have forgotten all those To Do’s, they will be missing the ‘you’ that is a parent, that loves, guides, nourishes and cherishes them.

Video Wed: Cup Half Full, Half Empty or Filled Half Way?

So I was chatting with Curly Headed Boy in the car the other morning about how to look at life.  I got him to imagine a glass of water that had been filled half way.  Then I said ‘Is it Half Full or Half Empty?’.  Because both are true.  But it is also true that it is ‘Filled Half Way’.

It can be really tiring to be around a ‘Half Empty’ person a lot of the time, they kind of seem to want to suck the energy out of you.  It’s because naturally there is always a balance in a conversation where we balance out over-pessimism with lots of optimism and vice versa.

The ‘Half Full’ people can be a bit of a pain too, as we aren’t really sure they are being honest and it makes us feel rubbish that we can’t be that bouncy all the time.  So around a bouncy ‘half full’ person we become pessimistic and around a draining ‘half empty’ person we become optimistic to try and bouy them up.

I’m not a fan of ‘positive thinking‘ because when misused and misunderstood it can create more depression and more trouble.  Instead the ideal really is to hit the middle of the scales, and balance both, so that we see that a cup is just filled half way with water.  It has good and bad in it.  So there is only half a cup, but it’s more than none!  That’s what I’m hoping to show Curly Headed Boy; that both are true, so that he can be a half-full-empty person and see both sides of the story.

So here are two videos for you, depending on how you started the day:

Grumpy?  Always look on the bright side of life: Monty Python!

Over-excited today?  This one will calm you down a bit: Jeff Buckley ‘Halleluja’

Video Wed: The Gratitude Dance

Some of you may have come across this video before, but I love it!  I’m a keen advocate of being grateful for what we’ve got, not so that we ‘settle’, but because from there we can appreciate life and get even more.

These guys appeal to kids in particular, and made this fabulous ‘gratitude dance’.  I ask Curly Headed Boy every night what he can say ‘thank you’ for or what he was lucky to have today.  But I’m thinking of starting the day with this dance for a bit; I like the sense of silly that it gives!  If you need a smile, this will give it to you ;o)

Money Saving Tips

Are You Struggling Financially? Tips For Appreciating What We Have Got And Worrying Less

Money Saving TipsWith the recession, there are some winners, but in general most people seem to be down 10-30% if they are lucky, and then there are those people who have lost even more.  Of course, it appears even more difficult for parents, because there are so many ‘necessities’ for the family.

Getting stressed about money makes lots of ‘brain noise’, which means we miss potential opportunities.  Plus we end up spending a lot of time worrying about what is, versus appreciating what we have.

At the very least, I hope that this blog will help you to appreciate the things that you do have and worry less about money.  Remember to check out all my other money saving and cost cutting tips.

Three Aspects To Money

Money is undoubtedly a complicated and emotional subject.  I ran a ‘Financial Breakthrough’ workshop for a few years before the kids came along.  It was not about becoming a millionaire; just about becoming financially healthy and looked at 3 aspects:

1) Firstly is you and your relationship with money

Do you know how to actually manage it practically in a way that will bring more in, rather than let more out?

2) Secondly is your relationship with your financial heroes

Who you think have been really successful? Which means that you think that they are better than you, which means you are not seeing your own potential.  The number of who people wanted to be as rich as Richard Branson, but didn’t want his problems, hair, teeth, children who think he is a wombat for trying to kill himself in a balloon going to space, and having to sell his most loved business.

3) Thirdly is you and your relationship with your financial anti-heroes

Who told you that money was bad or rich people were horrid, or that you didn’t deserve it?  It is important to understand that money is just an energy that you can quickly transfer into any area of life, nothing more, nothing less.  So, if you can see how money would help everything you love in life, and why you deserve it, then you are more likely to attract it.

Tip For Appreciating Life

Here is a tip for you, to improve your weekend, and help you love your life more, about appreciating what you have got:

When you give your kids something and they are really grateful, isn’t it enjoyable?  Don’t you just want to give them more?  When you do something or give something, and in the next moment they are moaning about something else that they don’t have or want, isn’t it unpleasant?  Doesn’t it make you want to automatically refuse?

The world works like this too.  It doesn’t matter whether you look at it from a spiritual perspective of ‘attracting’ energy, or a scientific energy of matching vibrations (a thought is a vibration), or a psychological one of a self-fulfilling prophecy, it still works.

I’ll give you a couple of real life examples, so that you can understand the difference.

Someone attended my financial workshop, and a few weeks later angrily told me that she hadn’t got any more money despite following my tips.  Now, firstly I do focus on having more VALUE in your life, as much as MONEY, because money is meaningless and can easily just disappear out the door again.  But secondly I asked her about her new clients.  Her attitude was that she was going to get them anyway.  However, her lack of appreciation later affected the client relationships, quickly losing her some of them.

Or there was the client running a business, who complained that her revenue hadn’t gone up.  However, when I pointed out that her costs where less, and therefore over-all she was making more, PLUS she wasn’t DOWN like most people in her business, she was chuffed.

There is a lovely writer I know, who exudes a feeling of ‘richness’, even though it is obviously not in financial wealth.  She has a wealth of knowledge, and fascinating people that she has met, plus a great eccentric husband and two gorgeous daughters.  She never whinged about how to get her house fixed, and sure enough an insurance windfall looks like it’s going to enable her to do a complete rebuild.

I made a HUGE decision when I was pregnant with Little Dimples to ONLY focus on my Mummy Whisperer business, and not the more lucrative personal development business. It gave me more time with my son before he started school, less stress, and now I would never go back because I’ve discovered a love of writing, won awards for my blog and got a best-selling book!

How To Look For What We Have Got

What do you have in your life today?  A house?  Children?  Family members?  What are those kids like, what do you get from them, what do they give you (apart from the headaches!)?  I may not have parents, but I do have a brother who attempts to fill the gap, plus a son I was told was impossible when I was 19, and a house and car.

What do you do?  Do you work, part-time work, stay at home, have any hobbies?  What do you get from it?  I couldn’t not work for my own sanity, but I’m blinking lucky to be able to work part-time, even if it isn’t currently the most lucrative job in the world.

How is your health and body doing?  Look around you, why are you lucky for the body you have?  Mine has miraculously got me pregnant again at 40, which is pretty good going considering it’s not meant to have a fertile bone in it’s body!  I might be on the ‘curvy’ side, but it all works and is pretty sturdy ;o)

Where is your wealth?  Is it your friends?  Your knowledge?  Your skills and abilities?  Your family?  Your spirituality?  Your potential finances when your business idea gets off the starter blocks?  Your enjoyment of your job?

Go on, get a cuppa and sit down tonight before bed and have a think about what you HAVE got, versus what you haven’t got.  At the very least you will wake up a more content person.  At best, I might be right and over the next couple of months you’ll improve financially as well!

Let me know how you do!