Why do people have to disagree with us or have a go at us? Do you ever wonder? Wouldn’t it be easier or nicer if it was different? Or if everybody was nice all the time would it actually not work for us?
I know that in this world there will always be as many people who like me as who dislike me. Plus there will be people who agree with me and disagree with me, and just because they disagree with me, doesn’t mean they don’t like me (there’s a tongue twister for you!). Sometimes I might not notice it because people often bitch behind closed doors, but sometimes you’ll meet an honest soul who comes straight out with it, which is refreshing if a bit shocking.
Each day there will be people who are nice to me and people who are mean. Sometimes I don’t notice it because the people being mean aren’t important to me, sometimes I take it to heart.
Most of us can’t help preferring it when people like us, are nice to us and agree with us. There are a few out there who openly court controversy and argument, but in the main we are all looking for the ‘nice’ in the world. But does it always work for us? Remember the saying ‘killing with kindness’?
Yesterday I decided to take some time out, sit in the sun and do a self-session on some stuff that had been making too much noise in my head for a while. I was particularly looking at people from the same therapy background as myself, mummy bloggers and the big hairy northerner who spent the first year of Little Dimple’s life being more than usually gruff. These are the people that I was wishing would always be nice to me, and because they meant so much to me it bothered me when they weren’t.
The problem is, when people are nice we often don’t make the changes needed. Plus, ironically we can want niceness so much in our lives that we can actually attract the nastyness, it’s like the universe trying to help us to see that sometimes we need a different tack. Of course if you are extremely determined (hmmm stubborn!) like me, it can take a lot of people having a go to make me rethink stuff or change my view of life.
So yesterday, I sat down and decided I’d done enough complaining and was going to sort it all out. I won’t talk you through the whole process as that might take some time, but here are some of the things that I realised. They are obvious and common sense, but there is a difference between knowing them logically and feeling them in your heart. That’s when you can free yourself of stuff. That’s what I do for other people and yesterday that’s what I did for myself.
The problem with the therapists/coachs from the same background as myself was I had a hell of a lot of loyalty towards them and spent a lot of time trying to help the community out because I love the method that we all use. But I’ve got 2 kids now and my own business, and I don’t have the time. However, out of loyalty I would still be investing time if I hadn’t had a wake up call. It’s not the place for me right now, I’ve got my own business to sort out, and shouldn’t be sticking my nose into other people’s business.
With the Mummy Bloggers, I was being a bit daft, we do need to be able to disagree and not take it to heart. My vision is for Mums to come together, but that doesn’t require us agreeing. Ironically as well, without the competition, comparisons, and ridiculousness there would be no need for me! It’s a bit like there being no jobs for doctors without illness, or no job for an appliance engineer if everything was built to last. We don’t want things to break, but I have to admit that I enjoy helping Mums; a weird dichotomy!
I don’t talk much about the Big Hairy Northern one, as it’s not his fault I blog. But lets just say that having been together for 22years and 2 young kids, there is probably more than just a little spring clean needed to spruce up our house at the moment. Without his gruffness over the past year, I’d have probably just kept pottering along with the status quo and we both deserve lots more than that. I might not have heard someone telling me that if they’d been all nice about it!
So yesterday I got to sit in the sun, feeling content and grateful for my life, with a lovely quiet head (for a little while at least!), bliss!