I’ve got a plan for a revolution. First starting with mummy bloggers, and then spreading out into the world. It’s your revolution too, so I’d like to know what you’d prefer to call it.
So what’s the idea?
- To strengthen the position of Mums in society.
- To encourage Mums to feel strong and confident in our differences
- To help them to appreciate that given different circumstances and different shoes, they might be different too
A ‘good mother’ is a mother who is herself, not trying to be someone else. Therefore we are all going to be different, with different types of families, different backgrounds and different priorities; just plain different. Difference is interesting. That’s the objective; for there to be a point to you, because you are a unique you; as Ralph Waldo Emerson (a 19th century philosopher) said “Envy is ignorance, Imitation is Suicide”. It’s ok to have a different opinion and you can still like/respect me whilst disagreeing with me. Plus, that if I’m sure of myself, I won’t be threatened by you having a different opinion. I won’t even need to try to convince you of it.
Mums are incredibly important to society, because we are where things start. At the moment we don’t have a strong standing in society, and I believe it’s time to change that. If we publicly have a go at each other and criticise each other (which is different from disagreeing respectfully), that we reduce our power and standing in society, plus waste time and energy. I’m not suggesting that we can never bitch about someone or sound off to a good mate, as getting it out can be helpful in gaining perspective. What I’m suggesting is to change what we do after that.
I believe that there is ‘hope for us’ as women, and we don’t have to accept the gender generalisation that a large group of women will always spend time having a go at each other. I think that we can learn to take a breath, have a cup of tea, and imagine standing in another woman’s shoes to find the common ground; and that by doing so we’ll get the insight to stop slagging each other off.
So here are the ideas for what to call the ‘revolution’. They’ve come from the first Mums already excited by the idea. Now we need a name, then a badge, then for some big communities to back the initiative. So what would you like to call it? The only ‘rule’ is that the name doesn’t point the finger at another community e.g. Dads or non-mums and that it focusses on what we want rather than what we don’t want; so ‘Mums without judgement’ actually uses words that we don’t want.
If you have a better option, feel free to add it in the comments, otherwise let me know which ones you prefer ….
1) Standing in other Mums shoes
2) Mums stand together
3) Mums in each others shoes
4) United Mums
5) Mums Different United
6) Mums United Different (shortens to Mud)
Which name is the most powerful, the most inspiring? Which one will people remember? Please let as many people know as you can, so that we can get as much feedback as possible.
UPDATE: Tag Line and Badge
After all the fabulous comments here and at BritMums, I’ve decided to definitely go for ‘Mums Stand Together’, I’m going to grab the twitter id’s and sites for that and ‘Moms Stand Together’ just incase we need that at some point.
But you guys are right – now I need a tag line! Plus it must take into account all the concerns – so it’s not about us all agreeing, or not debating, or all being the same. The main objectives are
1) to help a Mum step back for a moment and think about how she would feel if she stood in the other Mums shoes – hence reduce the in fighting
2) to help us have a stronger presence in society by standing together
Mums Standing Together, strong in our differences?
Also, I either need someone willing to do a swap for a header and badge (I can offer an hours coaching worth £130?) or a company to sponsor someone to do it for me – any ideas?
64 thoughts on “A Name For Our Revolution: Come and have your say”
What a wonderful idea, I’m in!
Us girls need to stick together!
I think I like Mums Stand United the best.
So glad you liked it Susanna – I’ve got a great feeling about this and how we can expand the ideas from the mummy blogging world
We need to chat then! Coffee?
great! Skype + coffee maybe ;o)
Lovely idea and great thought behind it – count me in for Mums Stand Together / Mums Stand United x
Thank you gorgeous mammasaurus!
Me too, good on you! Mums Stand United/Mums Stand Together – possible strapline united by our differences or an individual collective – a collective of individuals? Not sure how good any of my ideas are – but may spark other thoughts! x
A collective of different shoes maybe? I see what you’re saying – a strap line is a great idea.
Great idea! I like Mums Stand Together and Mums Stand United too. x
Claire – looks like you and me are similar in our cooking skills! Yep, they are my favourites too.
Great idea. How about something like Mums Metroplolis?
This is the definition from wiki ‘A metropolis is a very large city or urban area which is a significant economic, political and cultural center for a country or region, and an important hub for regional or international connections and communications. The term is Greek and means the “mother city” of a colony (in the ancient sense), that is, the city which sent out settlers. This was later generalized to a city regarded as a center of a specified activity, or any large, important city.
What an interesting idea about the metropolis blue bear wood – thank you.
Ties in with a lot of my beliefs
Mums R Us
Don’t like the word “united” as has sporty connotations.
Aha that might be why I’m not so keen on united too, being very unsporty myself!
What a fab idea! I like Mums Stand Together too. The idea of a strap line is good one but perhaps something about shoes is a bit of cliche maybe. Something about being uniquely united or our mutual admiration for other mothers? I think it needs to sound friendly though.
mutual admiration is a good word combination thanks Fran. I agree about the cliche with the shoes, but it’s a good image that sticks in the head – we’ll see.
All mums together? Uniquely Mums? Fab idea I’m with you sisters!
Uniquely Mums is good becky!
I like Mums Stand Together – MST (if only there were an i we could be MIST)
Thanks Kara, yep I’d like to make it into a cool acronym too!
re the I – Mums International(ly?) Stand Together
Thanks oh hairy one! And thanks for the picture too ;o)
Great idea. This line especially resonated with me: “A ‘good mother’ is a mother who is herself, not trying to be someone else.”
I like the idea of being united, like a Mums United. Or what about the word “solidarity”. I’ve also always loved the word fellowship.
Very nice idea that solidifies an viewpoint that so many of us are feeling.
oooh thanks Jennifer, I love solidarity and fellowship – although fellowship might be because I’m a geek and love the Lord of the Rings too ;o)
How about Mums As One? Acronym is MAO but maybe that lends some authority?! 😉
MAO is good – it would be really funny if we could make it MEOW ;o)
Actually, I like Mums As One as well. I don’t like the acronym MUD, and MAO is better.
Bring on the revolution!
Yep, maybe MUD doesn’t work ;0)
Good idea, and I like Jen’s suggestion; ‘Mums United’. I even have an idea for a tag; ‘Because when we are, we’re unbeatable’.
Time for a hashtag on twitter?
Oooh now you’ve got me thinking – thanks Potty Mummy! We definitely need a hashtag, and good tag line.
I love this, I hate it when people “slag” off each other on blogs and so on.
I do like Mums International Stand Together – MIST, we are including everyone and I love the acronym too.
We can use it on twitter as #MIST and people will be curious & google it I’m sure 🙂
Count me in!
I have been wondering about the international aspect Monica – I was thinking maybe it could evolve to be Mums /Moms – we’ll see. Let’s sort the UK first and then branch out ;o) MIST might be too much sadly – I think that 3 letter acronyms work well.
I love this too – there’s enough people out there to put us down without turning on each other! Together Mums Stand
fab idea, definitely need to support each other rather than turn on each other.
would agree not using ‘United’ with its sporting connotation.
other suggestions? “Mums as One” ; “Mums in unison” (altho that probably sounds like some kind of work union…); “Mums in Harmony”
Straplines… “Stronger Together”
Look forward to reading more!
Ok, on the subject of a tagline. I thought of : recognising our diversity, celebrating our unity.
Oh gosh, I don’t know if I’m brave enough to write this comment, but I feel I want to say something. I found myself writing it all in a comment on another blog, and I decided the respectful thing to do would be to say it here instead. Given the whole subject matter, I hope you’ll take this in the spirit in which it’s meant, and jump into my shoes if necessary.
First, I have to say, most of the blogger in-fighting passes me by. I occasionally, very occasionally, see a spat, but it’s rare. I have to go out of my way to look for it – and I’m guessing that’s true for a lot of bloggers.
Mostly, I see a supportive community, which has enabled mums to open up and share. For generations, motherhood has been surrounded by so much mythology. We were expected to love being pregnant, to bloom and blossom as we tend our small baby, to relish every last happy minute with our charming toddler. Blogging has made it acceptable to say “I’m tired, I’m fed up, I don’t know what I’m doing, what happened to who I used to be?”. I don’t think it’s understating it to say that blogging has been a force for liberating women, allowing them that voice – plus it has provided paid work opportunities for some of them.
There will ALWAYS be occasions when people flare up against each other. That’s just in the nature of things. People do get hurt, but most of us are wise enough to know that the hurtful comments say more about the person making them than the person receiving them. Having a campaign for mums to stand together isn’t going to stop people getting personal. Are you going to let everyone join? What if someone has a past record of making negative personal comments? Or gets involved in a future spat? Will you de-badge them? I feel it already has the potential to be an “us and them” situation – exactly the kind of thing you’re wanting to avoid.
I can’t see the point of a ‘mums standing together in society’ message. Mums standing for what? Against what? I can’t think of an issue that mums could unite around, in any meaningful way.
OK, so maybe I’m going to regret hitting the ‘publish’ button, but I believe I’ve addressed the idea, not attacked the person behind it. I believe I’ve been polite, not offensive. I’m not even clear in my own mind as to why I wanted to express my opinion, but I think it’s some kind of feeling that I want to protect blogging from becoming bland. I don’t want to stop people blogging with passion. And when people are passionate about something, it risks getting personal. That’s a risk I think is worth running, for the benefits that strong feelings bring. I understand that you can debate an opinion without criticising the individual, but that line is very thin when it comes to parenting. Your philosophy on parenting is who you are. The two can’t really be separated. So yes, I’m all for politeness and respect, but I’m all for freedom of speech and a bit of gumption too.
Iota, thanks for commenting here – you are right it feels much nicer to have you here than somewhere else xxxx
I think that the point to the campaign has got a little clouded by discussions elsewhere.
This is NOT specifically a mummy blogger campaign, i’m just starting in this area.
Plus the bitching about each other bit was actually not mentioned in my priorities. The third priority was to help mums take a step back and stand in another mums shoes when tempted to bitch. It’s not that having a good sound off is ‘bad’ either. It’s the manner that some mums do it in – i.e. publicly and hurtfully, which is the issue. I never said that we ‘always’ bitch or that no other group of people do it. Just that the way that we do it causes us trouble socially.
Now your points about what happens about ‘joining’ the campaign and making a record of when people have been mean are really valid. I’ve had long conversations about this with the big hairy northern one. In the end we decided that was NOT a route to go through. With the strong image of the badge I’m more wanting to put a subconscious thought into Mum’s heads which will kick into action when they get pissed off with a fellow mum.
Being ‘Against’ something is really important to avoid I think. I’ll have to be really careful this doesn’t become Mums against Dads or non mums.
What it’s ‘For’ is the first couple of priorities I listed in my post – that Mums are an important part of society and we need to stand up together and take our place.
Aha – that’s a good point – its more about us ‘Standing up together’, rather than ‘Stand together’ – I feel it’s time that we stood up more, because society needs us. It’s not about society giving us back power. It’s about us looking after ourselves so we get stronger, then being more thoughtful of how we have a go at each other publicly (because it has a tendency to make us look ridiculous), and then to start to have a stronger position in society.
Freedom of speech is really important – we don’t have to agree to get on!
BTW can’t find you’re twitter ID, otherwise I’d come and say hello and set your mind at rest that you’ve not upset me
I’m not on Twitter. Which might be why I’m not so bothered by the issue of bitchiness. Twitter does seem more prone to spats than blogging.
Thank you for replying. I liked your reply, and I think you’ll probably go with the campaign in spite of some people’s reservations. You’ve got lots of people affirming the idea. I still don’t quite see the point of a “try and be nice to each other” badge on my blog (ooh, sorry, was that a bit unkind? Part of the problem is that things that I say in my head in a jokey tone of voice, which you’d totally get if we were having a cup of tea and a digestive together – possibly a chocolate digestive, don’t always read that way in print). I used to feel a bit embarrassed with those “you’re a great blogger” awards that go around, though I did display them on my blog – but I don’t any more.
I don’t know if I want to stand up with other mums. It’s too big a group to be meaningful to me. I would consider myself a feminist, but I wouldn’t stand up with all other women. I suppose I don’t really know what that means. Yes, motherhood is not highly regarded in society, and I would love to see that change, but I don’t think a campaign like this goes to the root of what that’s all about.
The odd thing is, here I am arguing against a phrase that is one of my favourites in literature. I love that book “To Kill a Mocking Bird”. Love it. That phrase about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes is brilliant.
Iota, you must avoid horrors like the Daily mail too! Very sensible.
If I continue, I will try to make very clear that it’s not about ‘try and be nice to each other’!
I have had similar reservations to Iota, and blogged about them on my own blog.
I love the sentiment behind this – I’m all in favour of people being respectful, having empathy, being supportive. But for me, blogging ALREADY is all of those things.
I can’t think of a single parenting issue I’ve talked about on my blog where I didn’t get support from fellow bloggers. From the early days of admitting to feeding my child cereal in a cup, to rants about not letting my daughter watch TV, to divorced parenting and the challenges of being a single Mum – people haven’t always agreed, but I have always found support, understanding, humour and wisdom from fellow bloggers.
I’ve found women bloggers tend to go out of their way to be open-minded and supportive of other parents. And as a result, blogging has provided such a powerful platform for so many women to confess their worries, and get support. That’s a brilliant thing, and I’m always proud to be a part of it.
Thanks Sally – think I’ve covered most of this in my reply to Iota – it’s not a blogging thing and it’s not saying that we always have a go at each other or that we should always agree.
Perhaps it’s because I’m in the States as is Iota, but a lot of my thoughts were similar to hers. If you say “Mums Stand Together”, or “Mums United” the first question is going to be Against What? And the answer then has to be “against, erm, themselves. Or at least other mothers who aren’t very nice. So who then decides who is nice and who’s chucked out, or de-badged? I’m also wondering why the “Blogging with Integrity” badge doesn’t include not slagging each other off.
And to repeat Iota’s other point – living in the land of the bland (as the US can be when it comes to political correctness and niceness), it gets very boring when there are no debates and diverse opinions. Instead of encouraging mothers to stand together, we should simply be encouraging each other to listen and not to become entrenched in our own beliefs. Half the time a fight breaks out online (which I also tend to miss) it’s because there are two firmly entrenched sides, and neither side will give an inch. Plus, the very fact that someone may be disagreeing is taken as an outrageous insult and the feathers really start flying. It’s very juvenile.
It’s very healthy that we all have different views on everything from discipline to de-lousing. (ooh, alliteration). I for one, would just like to see everyone jump to the best rather than the worst assumptions about other bloggers/mothers, and take a breathe before they hit the send button.
Thanks Expat Mum, I think I’ve covered most of this in my reply to Iota – answering her has clarified for me that maybe ‘Mums Standing Up Together’ or something like that would match my concept more clearly.
The listening bit is actually a big part of this campaign – hence the shoes analogy i.e ‘standing in each others shoes’.
I don’t even think you have to stand in anyone else’s shoes to be able to listen. It’s almost impossible to put yourself in someone else’s position even if there are similarities with your life. We are all different in the way we react to our circumstances and to other people. But it is very important to listen without immediately sounding off. If you have an immediate and strong reaction to something, it’s advisable to think before hitting the “send” button. As we all know, once it’s sent, it’s impossible to take it back.
Perhaps something like the “Stop, Drop and Roll” fire prevention slogan, we should have “Stop, Think & Listen”. (For those of us old enough to remember the Stop, Look and LIsten/Green Cross Code adverts.)
Thanks a good idea – it is basically what I’m wanting them to do.
I’ve just read Liz Jarvis’ blog post and after commenting thought I should probably come and read yours as well.
I can completely see what you are aiming for and think it’s a lovely idea. As Sally said above I too love the sentiment.
But I also think it’s a shame that we would need to form a club in order to do these things; shouldn’t we all be doing this anyway?
But then again, if we aren’t then maybe we do need a club!
I hope it works xx
Thanks Coffee Curls (love the name by the way) – it is a shame, but it’s real life too. That’s why there’s no hope of making everyone be nice to each other all the time or stop them bitching. I’m mainly aiming to encourage Mums to not do it publicly and to save time by ‘stop think and listen’ as Expat Mum suggested.
Lisa you are doing a fab thing here – thanks for linking it up to the Love Mummy Blogs Showcase. See you there again soon 🙂
pleasure lovely – sure I’ll get round to it
I’m definitely on for this. S’stars. At school I just avoid the women who criticise each other, the kind of person who thinks working mothers or mums at home “have it easy”, depending on which one they are. Most of the mothers are fantastic…. it’s just the few that seem a little skewwiffed ( is that a word…)
Aha I used that word myself in a comment this week and couldn’t work out how to spell it! We must be soul mates ;o)
Just came across this and felt compelled to comment. I understand and appreciate the sentiment and motivations of your campaign, but I’ll be truthful and say that it’s a bit like trying to cup the ocean in your hands. I don’t believe that because I have a vagina and have had kids that it automatically means I have a lot in common with other mums. I agree that some mums and some women can be judgmental, bitchy, and would start a fight with a paper bag – a badge won’t change this. We’re all grown adults – people who want to blog with integrity, do so, not because they have a badge but it’s their natural disposition. People who are empathetic and probably have far more productive uses for their time and don’t use the internet like one big giant playground to work out their childhood baggage, or who don’t try to be Queen Bee versions of Pinky and the Brain trying to ‘take over’ the blogosphere (or a corner of it), will treat others decently out of a natural disposition. I’m very fortunate – I have made some great female friends (and yes most mums) through the internet and like others, I don’t have to look very far for support and mutually fulfilling friendship. I don’t get involved in or create Dynasty levels of Drama and I don’t have a split personality with an ‘online persona’. You will find that people who are not very tolerant, are this way offline too and there’s no badge for that. It’s also a shame that at a time when we still strive for equality, that we have to campaign each other to act like halfway decent human beings.
I totally know what you mean Natalie, however the effect of subtle social norms can have a big effect. Remember that the objective eventually is to help us Mums gain more social power, which we can’t with the public bitching that makes us look ridiculous. You are right, there is no way that all bitching can be removed! So my idea is that by having the badge initially, and then spreading out of the mummy blogging world and hitting the media in some way (ideas in my head at the moment), that it will become a social norm or value that we don’t publicly attack other mothers. Just think how strong ‘how we do it around here’ can be!
Also the idea is not to see what you have in common, but what it would be like if you were in their shoes, which is slightly different.
However, I’ve had a bit of a light bulb moment about discussions and misunderstandings, so I have some thinking to do! – check out my other blog post here: https://mummywhispererblog.com/2012/01/when-is-discussion-healthy-or-unhealthy/
Now that I have linked to this post today I feel really bad that I haven’t commented – I think I was shocked into silence by all the “women are nice really” comments that I saw here and at Sally’s linked post.
Today that reminded me that is not the case. And the 1st thing that sprung to mind was this post and the comments it attracted.
Sorry again that I did not comment before – should have!
Never feel bad about it lovely – I’m really glad you linked up.
It has certainly been a HUGE learning curve for me and I’m very glad it all happened. It also seemed to breed exactly the behaviour that I was talking about. What was most uncomfortable was being told that people who were publicly supporting me, were privately slagging me off – but not being told who! But heh ho!
I think it was a good thing, it’s made me think a lot about the whole idea, and although I’m not going ahead with it straight away, I’m just going to brew a much stronger version of it.
I’m sorry you had a tough time yesterday, I was totally off twitter and missed the whole thing. Hopefully it can all get sorted out today. But even if it doesn’t, just remember this – 50% of the world likes, supports and cares for you – just look for them when you feel a little down.
Last night was much worse on Twitter – like a witch-hunt.
But I learned a lot.
big hugs lovely
Thanks – your computer clock must be fast – says you left that comment in 2 hours time LOL
My 2nd attempt at putting a stop to name calling on Twitter (you have a mention).
I’ll take a look lovely – I always seem to be looking when willow is asleep so I can’t watch a video.