Video Wed: Is it possible for everyone to have purpose, whatever their background?

So last week I talked about how difficult it is to not have purpose, and how everyone needs it from babies to dogs.  The week before I talked about how politics doesn’t understand human behaviour.

This week I wanted to talk about whether we are made by our background or can change it?  Lots of people were talking about the kids or people involved in the London Riots, saying that they have no hope.  But is that true, or is it just a perception?  How difficult is it to change it I wonder?

There are four of us in my family, technically the same background, but really different choices and outcomes.  Why?  God knows.  Is it a slight difference in genes, which order you were born in, your star sign, how old my parents were, different gender, different decade born in (they are 20yrs older than me), slightly different parenting approach?  Or does there come a time, when whatever has happened in the past, we have a choice to say ‘This is me, love it, move on with it and I’ll make of it what I will’, or ‘I’m a victim of what has happened, and I’m powerless to change it’.

This video kind of proves my point as this guy has no arms and no legs, but is tear jerkingly inspirational: (for my kindle readers, please look this one up, you don’t want to miss it ‘Look after yourself after watching this’).  His website is http://attitudeisaltitude.com

So my answer is ‘yes it is possible for everyone to be inspired, have purpose and sort their shit out’.  But will they?  No.  However, we can try our best to make the opportunities available for those who can, and give a slap to those who whine, and a harsher penalty for those who step over the line.

A Note For The Grumpy Old Man In Radlett: Don’t Tut At Me Mate!

This is a message for the grumpy old man and the younger male driver who yesterday took umbrage at me pulling over to the side of the road with my hazard lights on and making it a little difficult for them to get out of their road because they had to pull out more than usual to see what was coming.

Did you think that because I was a stressed Mum that you could Tut at me, shaking your head and get away with it?  I don’t think so!  I don’t need any rules or laws to stand up for myself mate.  Bet you wouldn’t have done it if it had been the Big Hairy Northern One parked there (partially because he is quite big and grumpy looking, and partially because you would have assumed that a man had a valid reason for parking there).

What is our world coming to when people see hazard lights and don’t think of helping, but instead choose to be irritated?

Clearly my hazard lights were on.

Clearly there was a problem.

When I pointed them out to you, and explained my baby daughter was puking, you said ‘but there’s no ambulance’.

Of course there wasn’t an ambulance you idiot.  That’s because I pulled over, and lifted her forward so that she didn’t choke on her puke.  That’s what I was doing when you were ‘tutting’ at me and shaking your head.

If she hadn’t still been puking, you would have had a big bag of puke thrown at you so that you could appreciate it yourself.

Word of warning: Don’t mess with a Leo Mum, because we are very protective of our children.

Then funnily enough, no, I didn’t drive off leaving her covered in big mounds of puke that she would have thrown over my car, and screamed about.  No, I took off her top, and put it in a plastic bag that I keep just in case (gold star to me for being organised), and I wiped the mounds of puke off her chair, so that they didn’t then also slip elsewhere in the car.  Lastly I wiped her hands, mouth and chest.

Do you know why?  Because I was taught a wonderful rule by my mentor Dr John Demartini called ‘The Law of Lesser Pissers’.  This rule means that if you are going to choose between pissing someone else off and pissing yourself off, then piss them off, as you will spend your life with yourself, and probably never see them again.

I wasn’t stopping the traffic, I’d gone as far as I could to park safely, and not put my baby in danger.  Then my priority was to help her, and then to reduce the SMELL.  (Luckily I also now travel with febreze in the car, following my tips for travelling with kids in a car).  If I had moved out of your way, I would then have had hours of cleaning to do, just to give you a couple of minutes extra because you could pull out more easily.  In my calculation I made the right choice.

By the way, when school starts again, and you are trying to get out of that road into a busy line of traffic, this is one car that won’t be letting you out!

Rant over!

On a more serious subject I was talking on twitter the other day about how sad it is that Mums often feel so powerless and lose their self-belief so much that they often lose their ability to hear their own intuition.  I’m trying to do my small part to help strengthen Mums, especially with my blog and my soon to be published book (working title: Six Weeks To A Sparkling You).  My big plan has always been to get my books well enough known that I then had enough clout to start some kind of group of well known Mums to focus on changing society’s view of the importance of Mums.  But maybe with the London Riots we need to do something sooner to empower families and bring us back to the centre of life in the UK?  Do you know of any groups already running with this sort of plan?  Please put a comment below if you are interested, and I will let you know when I find out more about what’s already out there or make a plan for making something new.

Video Wed: London Riots and Lack or Gain of Purpose?

After writing my post ‘The problem with politics is it doesn’t understand human behaviour’, I’ve been thinking even more about the Riots, as I’m sure many others of you have done as well.  I was mainly making the point in my post that it is psychologically detrimental to give people benefits for no fair exchange and how important it is to take responsibility for what is ours to do (and not for what is someone else’s).

Since then I’ve been thinking about the arguments posed by people about how hard it is for kids from deprived areas who have ‘no hope’.  There is definitely some truth in this.  Every creature needs a purpose, it is what keeps us going and keeps us alive.  Even young babies enjoy putting the washing in the machine because it gives them a sense of being useful.  We had a rescue dog that came to life when he learnt to ‘work’ (he was on lone to a working kennel and ended up staying there).  I’ve thought back to the times in my life when I didn’t have a clue about what I was doing and where I was going, and I agree it felt awful.  They were black times.

This is in no way the full answer as we now know that a huge pile of the rioters were nothing to do with this group of young kids, they were just people out to take advantage of a situation, with little moral thought, who thoroughly enjoyed the frenzy and excitement.  However, it would be unwise to cut funding on programs that can educate kids on what is available and the opportunities that are there for them.  Plus programs that help them work out what they are good at and gives them directions would be great.

I was sent this youtube video after my previous post, and I think it is great.  (For my kindle readers, it’s called ‘Keep Britain safe, every individual counts’).

Ironically though in the balance to the lack of purpose in these kids, there was a huge creation of purpose in the people who got together to clean up the streets.  How amazing was that?  We need to capitalise on this, in order to bring back the sense of community. I have always had a ‘bigger plan’ for ‘the mummy whisperer’.  It makes me wonder whether I should kick it off now, rather than later when I’m better known?

Then there are the people who just took advantage of the situation.  What to do about them?  Well partially make going against society’s rules much harsher so that people wouldn’t consider it.  Plus make sure that we do something about people who we know have done something ‘wrong’.  Shop the benefit cheats.  Stop turning a blind eye to stuff.  In a way, it is us that let them think they could get away with it.  If they don’t have the same values as us, we can’t force them to be sypathetic, empathetic or thoughtful of those around them.  But we can make the price of breaking other people’s property too high for them to do it!

What worries me most is that I suspect that there is another, smaller, quieter group of people.  I don’t think that they were lacking in purpose.  I think that their whole sense of purpose is to create chaos and anarchy, and that the young people without hope, the criminals, and the middle class people wanting something for nothing, were just pawns for them.  I wonder if I am a bit paranoid?  But after the deaths of those kids shot in Norway and that mad man’s talking about his connections, it makes me think.  This is another reason why we need to not be ‘ignorant’.  We might be ‘educated’, but it’s easy to ‘ignore’ what is going on around us.

The Problem With Politics Is It Doesn’t Understand Human Behaviour- London Riots

I found tears in my eyes as I tried to explain the riots to Curly Headed Boy this morning (5.5yrs old).  But I have had to explain something similar when local teens burnt down a pile of things near where I live.  One blog post can’t explain away the whole of the London Riots, and I’m not going to try and do it, but I am going to explain what us as parents can do right now.

The problem with politics is that it doesn’t understand human behaviour.  Its a pile of people on the right believing that the world ‘should’ be one way and a pile of people on the left believing in another way.  The middle road of the liberals should technically work, but doesn’t because they don’t really understand how the world of human beings works, and just cherry pick the options that they think will sound the nicest.  So they put in place a pile of ideas, and have no clue about the repercussions.  I understand the concept of how the world ‘should be’, but the reality is that there are a pile of humans in the way of that and ‘should be’ doesn’t work in reality.

The other problem with politics is that we don’t have much choice in who we put in power, and then for some reason we give them a huge amount of our personal power and stop taking responsibility for our own stuff.  I’m not saying that we should be out there stopping the rioters, but I am saying that many of us (myself included) blame the government for stuff that really we could be sorting out for ourselves.  Hence a pile of people rioting and taking no responsibility for it.

So how did I explain it to my little boy?

I pointed out to him what a tantrumy pain in the butt he becomes when he is spoilt.  Have you ever noticed how your kids behaviours are worse after a visit from a kindly relative who let them have everything they wanted or after a major treat that you organised?  Have you noticed how they become more demanding?  ‘Little Lord Fontleroy’ we call curly headed boy at these times.  These rioters are like big 5yr olds having a massive and hell of a lot more destructive tantrum.

The reason is that when we get too much for too little effort it makes us think that we deserve things, but ironically it squashes our self-esteem and makes us feel horrid.  Add to that a need for rules and safe boundaries as children, and you get people who get bored and destructive.  Remove the security of parents who know how to love their children by seeing both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ sides, rather than being abusive or overly supportive and you again affect their sense of security which they try to replace with ‘things’ they can buy.

I have no doubt that there are people in poverty in england, but they are not rioting.  They would be looking for heaters, food, and blankets.  They are the people who don’t know how to work the system, and who have really basic needs that are not being met.  They are the people that we are failing in the UK, whilst we give too much to a generation of young people who are just too damn spoilt.

So when my son asks me why people are rioting I say that they were not lucky enough to have parents who made them do something for every treat, who were strict and consistent about their rules, and who loved them from the top of their heads to the bottom of their toes.  He understands this, so this is the easiest thing I can say.

He asked about the police and why they couldn’t stop it, and the answer is that the system we have in the UK doesn’t hit people where it actually bothers them enough.  If curly headed boy doesn’t care about a punishment then it wont work on him.  I’m not that tough, I just make sure that I use things that are fair and that mean something to him.  For example; it starts with going into another room and counting to 30, then maybe a 5min time out, or a removal of a treat, or taking away a toy for 24hrs.  They are never too harsh or heart breaking, but they are fair and make sense to him.  (Little Dimples will need a totally different system as she was born naughty!).

I’m not saying that prison is a great place to be, but if it doesn’t stop people from offending, then it’s not going to work.  If you knew you were going to spend a lifetime paying back the damage you had done, then that would be a very different situation.  If you knew you were going to have to work to fix the damage you had done, it would be different.  If you knew that you were going to lose your benefits after bad behaviour, but be taken care of for 2yrs in a hard national service like we used to have, it would be different.  I can see why there is a sudden interest in the death penalty returning, although I’m not sure that is the choice I would have.  We can’t remove ‘criminality’ from our world, but we can reduce it by making it a damn site less attractive.

What can we do about this chaos?  Well start at home first, use the simple rules I’ve mentioned to love our kids with.

If your kids are involved, and you can’t keep them in, then you need to make sure that the police knows about them; keep them safe from more riots and from a future where they think that they can get away with anything because they deserve it (very easy to say I know, and hard to do).

Tackling the riots?  Well we need to use people’s values to stop the riots and stop them happening again.  For a small percentage I think that education and the ‘softer’ side will get through to them and help.  But for the majority I’m sorry I think that it needs to hit them where it hurts; prison, their benefits, and some kind of national service ala old fashioned bootcamp kind.

For the future?  No one should get anything for nothing.  Keep the benefit system, but if you get benefits and you are capable of moving a finger then you should get the right to do something, even if it is only a little thing.  Carers looking after those who can’t move, therefore deserve to be paid as a proper job.  This gives basic self-esteem, and is only fair.  Mums are a different matter, as they aredoing something; they are taking care of children.  However, I must admit that I think that young single Mums would be better off being put together in specific communities, rather than getting houses of their own.  OAPs have done their bit, but they aren’t useless, hell I have an OAP looking after Little Dimples for me and she’s a fabulous 73.  And the bored young people?  They need boundaries, structure, rules, not benefits.  If they aren’t going into further education or apprenticeships, then I cringe to say it ‘bring back national service’.  Our system of punishment?  Where it’s not a death/physical attack, then make the people pay in kind for what they did by fixing it, or paying to fix it.

New Laws?  There is one new law needed ‘only people with common sense and nonse should be able to make decisions for the country’.  Everything is topsy turvy and quite ridiculous, with a pile of jobs worths, health and safety nuts, insurance ambulance chasers, and higher punishment for minor offences that child abuse.  Not sure how to put this one in place; any ideas?

Right, I’m going to get off my soap box.  I’ve never posted politically before, and I hope that it doesn’t cause offence.  My objective was to give you some ideas as to how to explain to your little ones what is happening, but I did have a bit of a rant along the way.