This should be so obvious after my post about what makes a man sexy, but just incase you are one of the mums leaving my blog posts open on your laptop for your husbands to read, I thought I would do a ‘state the bleeding obvious’ post, as what is obvious to us, isn’t always obvious to our men. Then when I started to think it through I realised that maybe it’s not that obvious as what makes a man unsexy is actually very different from sexy …
So one note, the order of priority of these depends on the woman, and there is still now way of pressing a woman’s buttons long term without spending some time to get to know her. (sorry husbands, there does have to be a certain degree of effort here!).
1. Top of the list is being a Sex Pest
There is nothing more irritating than a man who nags for sex. Partially because they often don’t think about the timing or circumstances. Often because they try to turn any situation into a sexual one, rather than a romantic one or a ‘potential for sex later’ one. But mainly because they don’t seem to realise that it’s not our job to feel horny, it’s their job to get us to feel horny, so if we aren’t there, then it’s down to him too. I love the quote by Athol Kay when he says ‘if your wife says she is too tired for sex, what she means is that she is too tired for sex WITH YOU’! (Boys, it’s a man saying that, not a woman being difficult). If a man has to nag for sex, then basically it makes us think twice about them, because I bet there are men out there who don’t have to nag.
2. Being Majorly Pissed Off or Hurt
If the guy is regularly mean, harsh, cutting, patronising, sarcastic, rude, disrespectful, angry, scary or anything generally not nice with his wife? Guess what, that doesnt make her want to sleep with him. A guy can be really lovely for half a day, but end it with shouting, or nastiness and her legs are going to close up like a clam.
Then there is the problem with doing something that hurts her deeply (what hurts each person, is a little tricky as it depends on what their priorities are in life, as to what their buttons are). The obvious ones are affairs, lieing about money, losing a job by doing something wrong, letting the in-laws get away with atrocious behaviour, and not taking care of her when she needs you. But there can be all sorts of other ones as well.
This one is probably not fixable alone. This is when the wife is so hurt or angry about something or a number of things that the husband has done, that even his breathing is irritating. This one will need some external help like counselling, coaching or other therapies (feel free to ask for tips on which ones in my Question corner).
3. Making her feel like a drudge
Have you seen many erotic fantasies where the woman was knackered, covered in baby puke, with straggly hair, and a pile of washing up to her ears? Nope, funny that. So adding to the drudgery, or not helping out with it when you can is definitely not going to help you appear sexy to her.
4. Hitting her bug bears
We all have bug bears, because we are all a bit OCD. Some people have an issue with teeth, others with clothes, feet, toothpaste squeezed from the top, loo seats left up, and leaving a trail of clothes and crap throughout the house as you arrive is a favourite! All of these make a wife go ‘grrrr’, rather than ‘phwaw he’s hot’. Mine is probably smell, which was made worse after pregnancy because I now have a bionic sense of smell and never lost it. So come anywhere near me with bad breath, body odour, smelly feet, beer breath, smoke, or worst of all unwashed genitals, and I’m trying to not wretch and throw you out of the window. Most women tend to not appreciate what a man’s mates like either; so farting, burping and spitting are generally big turn offs (this might surprise some blokes!).
5. Being a Wimp
We might like a kind, gentle man around the house, but when it comes to being sexy, it will hardly ever turn a woman on. So baby talk, whining about life, lack of confidence, not taking control of situations, not making decisions, basically not showing any of the Alpha traits I mentioned in my previous post about what makes a man sexy, is definitely going to reduce how much sex appeal a guy has to his wife. It’s all about ‘fake it until you make it’ when looking to improve this, so pretend to be her favourite hero: Captain Jean Luke Picard, or Dr Shepard (Greys Anatomy), or Mr Shuester (Glee); Wolverine is probably going a little too far, so there is no need to get metal grafted to your bones to be sexy in all reality.
I’ve put this near the bottom, because although important in making a man unsexy, if the other things above are true, even Brad Pitt hasn’t got a hope in hell. Plus some will be covered in bug bears at number 4. So lets assume that the wife doesn’t have any major bug bears, biases or requirements when it comes to physical appearance, then probably the key here for the husband is to maintain what they originally had, rather than worry about plastic surgery. So this probably means that they put on weight, their hair needs a good cut/restyle, their clothes sense has gone to pot, they’ve become a bit too practical in their choice of shoe wear (yep, northern hubby that does mean you too, cos those geeky walking things just don’t do it for me!), and they’ve lost a bit of confidence in their appearance. It might take a few months, but it can be restored!
These are the main top 6 things that make a man unsexy, rather than what makes a man sexy or attractive to us. Are there any I’ve missed that just make you go yuuuugh?