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Do our kids really know that we love them?

How to show your kids you love them

How to show your kids you love them

We love out kids right?

Even when they are being little sh*ts!

But we do get frustrated and angry sometimes.  We do let ‘life’ get in the way.

And with horror we sometimes realise that our kids don’t know how much we love them.

It can even get to the awful stage that they get hurt and angry and tell us that they hate us.


I remember with horror the night I tucked Curly Headed Boy into bed 6 months after Little Dimples was born and said ‘You do know I love you as much as her don’t you?’ and this sad little boy just shook his head.

HOW COULD HE NOT KNOW I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART?  I was always telling him and hugging him.  But life is difficult with a new baby in the house.


So, if you are having problems with your kids and they are attention seeking (i.e. being sh*tty), saying they hate you or feeling distant from you, here are my three top tips for turning it all around with a little routine at the end of bed time every night.


1) Three Best Things

This is a good calming exercise for the end of the day and helps them learn to see that life is never all bad.

Everyone says what the ‘3 Best things’ were that happened today.  It’s basically counting your blessings.

You do it too, so that they get an idea of what is going on in your life (how many times do I realise that the kids are blissfully unaware of what Mummy does all day!).

There are ALWAYS three things if not more, so keep helping them to look even if it’s just for a sunny day or cup of hot chocolate (coffee in your case).


2) I Love You …

I want my kids to know that I love ALL of them.  Every little last bit of them.  I don’t love them despite the bad bits, I love them totally.

So every night I say …


From the top of your head, to the bottom of your toes <point to top of head and toes>,

From your squiggly insides to your outsides <tickle tummy>,

From your naughty side to your good side <point to one cheek and the next>,

From here to infinity <point to the nose and up into the sky>


3) Special Together Time 

Oliver James has written a whole book on this called ‘Love Bombing’ which is currently on my ‘to read’ list.  The theory is that you spend a day with one  of your kids and from the beginning to the end it’s all their decision about what you guys do.

Now this doesn’t work for me with Little Dimples being so young, and it would be really difficult for a single parent to do regularly.

But the concept is good; make sure that in a month you get to spend some time alone with each child doing something that brings you closer and reconnects you.  If you make it a habit, then they will know that they will get this time, so they don’t have to kick off to get your attention.  If you can only get 15 mins, then make the most of what time you have.  An hour would be fab; whatever you can manage.

Then maybe once a year try to get half a day with each child on their own for a special treat.



Is it possible to have romance and kids?

I’d Love To Hear Your Stories

It happens in so many relationships that people don’t feel loved, despite us thinking it is obvious.

And I think it’s easy to fall into the trap of saying hurtful things to each other when we are tired and upset about things.

Just remember that if your kids are angry with you, it’s probably just covering up some hurt, so all they need is for you to understand their emotional immaturity and help them feel better.

All children love their parents, it’s just that things like guilt, fear, anger, hurt etc can get in the way of our relationships with them.


The key is to make it a habit to show them you love them and build daily confidence in your kids.

Do you have little fun things you do with your kids to reconnect?  I’d love to know.
If you try out these tips, let me know how they go!

10 thoughts on “Do our kids really know that we love them?

  1. After our little Gwen was born, Austin (2 and 4 months at the time) went through a phase of saying ‘don’t like Mummy/Daddy/Granny’, and telling us all (including Gwen) to ‘go away’. I never took it personally, but I found it all very difficult. My little boy was angry, upset and hurting, and, because I had to look after my newborn daughter first and foremost, I couldn’t spend anywhere near enough time with Austin to make it better.

    8 months in, Austin still has his jealous moments, but things are so much better. The key was trying to be kind to him as much as I could, and, wherever humanly possible, playing with him. Now I use Gwen’s nap time to try and have fun with him. Then, when she’s awake, I get on with the household jobs, trying to talk to her so that she gets some mum time too. Austin’s quite happy to play independently then, as he’s had plenty of fun with mum while baby was sleeping.

    The Daddy D was brilliant too, as gave a ton of attention to Austin, and I don’t think things would have been as good as they are now if we hadn’t had so much input from him. But looking back, it was only a short period of time….there was no need to beat myself up so much! It’s normal for them to hate you from time to time, and in my view it’s positive that they feel safe enough to be able to express that to you when it does happen.

  2. This is just brilliant, and a very important message to get out there! After our chat I have made a point of letting Jasper know at every opportunity how much I love him – even when he’s being cheeky, its made a huge difference. We are off to Whipsnade in a week or so, and he is very excited – I’ll let you know how we go!
    And thank you so much xxxxxx

  3. We do a what’s been ‘good, bad and brilliant’ at the end of every day — therby giving any opportunity for other ‘stuff’ to come out and this works a treat. Sounds like your kids can’t fail to know they’re loved. 🙂

    1. @anya ‘good, bad and brilliant’ is a great way to say it. I remember someone saying to ask your other half ‘what was the best thing about today’ when they sit down to dinner, to save them from spewing out all the horrors and miseries first!

  4. When my eldest was small, “Guess how much I love you” had just come out, and we did the “I love you all the way to the stars and back” every night, and when the monkey was just about to be born, I had a chat with her (she was 12 by this time) and reminded her that I would always love both of them and I would never have a favourite, apart from the fact that she would be my favourite daughter and he would be my favourite son, I also reminded her that she had had me to herself for 12 years, he will ALWAYS have to share me. And I still have the “I love you all the way to the stars and back” chat even though he has reached the grand old age of 9. We also have Mum and Boy and Dad and son days out or activities, not much money is spent, its a swimming trip or a trip to Duxford.

    I always say that this is the stuff that they remember, not the expensive toys that they discard within a week, but the quality time doing stuff together, that they love and remember always, especially when they have their own kids.

    Its good to be reminded of it, so thanks and thanks to Annie who sent me a link XXX

    1. @juliaball so glad you liked it … yes I love that book and I’ve got another one called ‘I love you more’ which brings to my eyes every time.

      I know what you mean, I often have to explain to my son that he had us on his own for 4years and my daughter will never have that time or attention. I hope that it is these quality moments our kids will remember, that’s the plan anyway ;o)

  5. Your ideas are really good, and it’s so true that it is easy not to get the quality time with each, or indeed end each day with full love. I am going to do three best things every day, I love it. The control freak in me freaks out at putting the kids in charge of me for a day, but maybe I just need to bite that bullet! Thanks

    1. @MrsH I reckon the kids would love the day in charge if your a bit of a control freak ;o) don’t worry, apparently they hardly ever take advantage of it with crazy/expensive ideas! Let me know how the three best things goes.

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