This is how my body works …..
“Right then, we have a target, all hands on deck we have a target”
“We estimate that this project will take <xyz> amount of energy over <abc> number of days: initiate gradual send out of energy per day”
“Oh shit, we estimated wrong”
“Initiate borrow of energy from ‘Bank of Energy’ to reach end of target”
“Yay target reached!”
“Warning, warning, insufficient energy creation ability to pay back energy debt, the bank is pulling the plug”
“Warning, warning, the plug is being pulled, the plug is being pulled”
Cue my body literally feeling like someone let the energy plug out, differing degrees of pain and numerous other symptoms slumped on sofa for <efg> no of days. And no, I couldn’t just keep going anyway.
Targets so far were – a 2 month project working until midnight every night to work out the necessary price changes at Espiritu. It was the right choice, and I felt confident and sure that I’d been as fair as possible to everyone – clients, staff and the business. I was so amazed how my body did, and really thought I’d stopped in time. However 5 days later at the end of June I was hit by the worst pay back I’ve ever experienced and those 2 months cost me nearly 4 months (read my post about silent illness here).
I started to feel human again 3 weeks ago. There was a project (a client Christmas party and some new recruits). I worked hard (until 11pm this time, not midnight). It was really successful and the new girls are wonderful. I crashed for 4 days.
So I took it easy this week. But I spent too long at the salon yesterday, and suddenly the plug was pulled.
Do I get a warning?
Not really, and sometimes I’m too committed to the project with little option (yes I delegate and make sure we do as few projects as possible, but it’s a new business and there are always unexpected eventualities). But the pain during the Christmas party was a pretty good hint there was going to be payback. Yesterday I think that it was the over riding urge to get home, which I listened to – but I still felt guilty when leaving work.
The problem is that my estimations are all wrong. Then once committed to a project, the determination inside of me will always get me to the end.
This must be why people get sick on holiday – so they get sick once they are done.
I need to learn how to leave enough space for ‘new business type unexpected crap‘ to show up, whilst fitting in projects and not using my [determination of an ox] button to ensure successful completion. Oh and don’t forget the ‘has 2 young children‘ factor.
If I find the answer, I’ll let you know.
In the meantime, do as I say, don’t do as I do, because I’m really not a good example! Take care of yourselves, give yourself time to fill up your energy savings.
p.s. I have found something that has been helpful with the pain & fibro sleep issues. I’ll blog in a week or so.
p.p.s The rheumatologist doesn’t think I have Fibro – hmmmm – I’m awaiting blood tests and a referral to the neurologist.
p.p.p.s Why did I write a blog post if I’m tired – tbh I type quick and it feels good to do something very ‘me’ – I love writing.