I reckon I know ‘How to be a good mother’.
Mind you I don’t reckon I get it right all the time.
But I do think I know what I did when I don’t get it right.
Ironically, I was approached for that Channel 4 program with Sharon Horgan on ‘How to be a good mother’. I was hesitant initially, and then they decided that I didn’t match the bill. I can see why I didn’t match it as none of my ideas would be extreme enough for them, which is what I expected initially. But it’s irritating too as I’m sure I do know how, and so I question whether Sharon (or her producers) really wanted to find out.
How can I be that arrogant you might ask? Dunno, but I am, so heh ho!
This picture holds the key. I look pretty happy and contented don’t I? Little Dimples is too. I’m at a work event, so I’m not just being a Mum at the time either. The key is; I’m being me.
That’s how to be a good mother; be yourself, because that’s who your kids want and that’s who they chose.
Don’t eat placenta’s because someone else told you to, unless it’s something you feel in your heart you want to do. Don’t breast-feed or formula feed unless it’s in your heart. Don’t home school if you’d hate it. Don’t stay at home if you’d go crazy. Don’t do crafts if you and your kids don’t enjoy it. Don’t cook using Annabel Karmel’s cook book if it makes your baby cry because it takes ages and then they aren’t interested. Basically, don’t be a freak who worries about what everyone else is doing, and makes decisions based from the worry/fear of the gut or the logic of the brain.
Follow your heart, that’s where your wisdom is. It’s a kind of balanced, centred place (not a sentimental gushy place). It’s there in us all, but the worry, guilt, fear and ‘grrrrrrrr’ means that we don’t hear it. You can get to it though ….
- Instead look after yourself, so that you are strong, contented, and know yourself.
- Spend enough time with your kids to really know them well too.
- Then you’ll be able to hear your own intuition and balance and juggle your needs AND theirs (not just theirs)
- Stop worrying about how other people do it and how much better their lives or their mothering is, and remember that the grass is never greener.
- Do a bit of research and get a bit of knowledge, but not too much; use discernment about what suits you and suits your kids
- Think about why you are lucky to have your life and appreciate what you have, rather than wasting time on what ifs.
That’s my answer anyway. What do you reckon? Do you really think your kids want someone else as a Mum, or someone trying to be someone else?
THIS! I couldn’t agree more with doing whats right for you and yours, being armed with knowledge and trusting your gut. No one knows your family or situation like you do.
Thank you Frankee B!
Great post and totally agree when it comes to parenting the best thing you can do is be yourself!
Thank you Mags!
Good points, well made. Do what you have to to get through, is something I always say, but you put it more positively. Do what works for you and your family
Exactly actually mummy – it’s the perfect combination ‘what works for you and your family’
Such a great post and one every new Mum should read! Such a positive bit of reading. I’m sick of having the rights & wrongs of parenting shoved in my face so this is very refreshing to read. Brilliant!
Thankyou Mama Syder, I’m so glad you enjoyed it
great post and puts my mind at rest. I watched in horror, knowing full well they are extremes. My daughter is just 3 years old and ive been back working since she was 9 months and constantly thinking i’m doing a crap job as a mother/wife/employee. But you are right. Be happy within yourself should help a lot!!!
It’s really difficult when you go back and don’t feel like you are doing any jobs well – you might want to dump a few things, delegate others, and then make a list of things to delay for another day. Hopefully your ‘to do’ list might reduce a bit that way!
Great post that has reassured me that as a first time mummy following my heart as I have been doing is okay and that I shouldn’t look at how others are parenting and worry that I am not doing as good as they are because deep down I know I am doing the best for my son who is a very happy little boy.
So glad it helped you lovely – you are doing really well if you’ve already worked out that the heart is the way to go xxx
This is a great post. I wish I’d read your advice 5 years ago when I first became a mummy. It would have helped me to silence those doubts and criticisms that you get bombarded with in newmumsville.
Ahh thanks Om – just make sure you still remember it when your kiddies start to kick off in their teens ;o)
What a brilliant post, I couldn’t agree more with “just being yourself” so many people pretend to be all singing all dancing these days and so what if you’re not good at certain things. We all have our failings and to be honest like you say kids don’t care, they just want to be with you and loved by you.