Have you ever wondered what happened to the girl you used to be, or who you will become, or who on earth you have ended up becoming? I suddenly started wondering about this at the weekend as I watched one of my favourite films ‘Practical Magic’ with Sandra Bullock. I felt a tinge of sadness, as though it reminded me that there is a little part of me that I’m ignoring right now. Realistically that is a choice I have made because I’m unable to fit in everything, and focussing mainly on the practicalities of life, helps everything flow more smoothly. But it was a timely reminder to not ignore my needs for too long, otherwise unfulfillment will sneak into my daily life.
So who am I right now? I am everything that I choose to do because I love it, or do because I have let some ‘authority’ convince me I ‘should’ do. I am everything and everyone that I have in my life, the people, the house, the stuff I do buy and the stuff I don’t. These things that I value doing and having are what give me a reason to be, what get me up in the morning, and fill my plans for the future. I am what I ‘be, do and have’, and what I value. There is no point in complaining about what I think I don’t want in my life, because today it is there, so as at today it is me and what works. Now tomorrow I may shift what I choose, so things may change, but this is who I am today. The great thing about being a Mum, is that we have a clear sense of purpose each day (i.e dress, feed, bath and play with the kids!), plus because our time tends to feel more restricted it really highlights what our top most values are. Of course it also feels restrictive sometimes, but that is just part of the package ;o)
Nature never throws anything away, so I am also what I was yesterday, and 40yrs ago. Here lie the secrets as to why I make the choices I make today and what I value today. Life is just like economics, where if demand is greater than supply the value of the product increases. So where I thought something was missing or hard to come by when I was younger, it became something of importance as I grew older. The younger the void, the more likely that it feels like a ‘core’ value of mine, which is always likely to direct my future and current reason for being or purpose. The later the void appeared, the more likely it is just something that I was told ‘should be’ important, and doesn’t create that feeling of fulfilment when I listen to it that one of my own core voids do.
This is why I’m fascinated by people and connections, and why I love twitter, learning about human behaviour, and sharing what I learn. It creates the need for a little sparkle or magic in my life, wether having fun with the kids or wearing necklaces. It’s why I’m drawn to help people, and why I’ve chosen to learn therapies that empower people, rather than those that sympathise with the awfulness of their stories. It’s why a week focussed on cleaning and routines leaves me feeling rubbish inside, and why I’m drawn to work from home. It’s why everyday is important to me (often the result of people who experience the death of a loved one when young), and I’m so focussed on helping Mums with their daily lives, rather than concentrating more on spiritual evolution. It doesn’t mean that other choices are wrong. In fact, if I was the same as my associates who have had the same training as me, there would be no need for me. That’s the point, that’s why we all value different things; to make the space for us to have the potential to know that there is a special reason and space for all of us, we just need to identify it.
So who will I become? I would love to become a household name, teaching Mums how to listen to their own instincts, rather than be overwhelmed by people telling them what to do. I had the most lovely comment on my last blog saying how fab I would be on daytime TV. Who knows wether I will be that successful (it’s one way of measuring success, but there are many of other ways). Maybe I will just continue to love being a Mum and instead concentrate on helping local Mums. Maybe I’ll decide that the vaguaries of working for myself are too tough and return to the workforce. But one thing is definitely true; the secrets to where I am going, come from where I was. So I can be sure that I’m not going to suddenly become an overnight sensation as a singer, as there is no sign of skill, practice or any time spent on that activity! I will definitely be a Mum, with a slightly romantic side, part tree-hugger, part computer geek, who learns and shares what she learns, and loves chocolate!
In the meantime, with a young baby and a 4yr old, I am mainly focussed on just being a Mum, with the standard voids that all mums have. Time is like gold dust, and we all worry about the lack of resources in the future for our kids. But how I choose to tackle these things will come from my top most biases and value systems, as having so little time really helps to show what your top values are. So my priorities are on what to me appears to be a ‘better’ use of my time, and they make up my current purpose of being who I am today. As my kids get older, I will be less identified by these role based voids and there will be space for some new and old ones to appear. In fact, in the nursery car park, you can pretty much tell who has younger or older kids by how they dress at nursery. To look fabulous with a toddler early in the morning, requires what we look like to be very high on our list of priorities, and most Mums will totally fail at that. However, as the toddler becomes a pre-schooler, you see the return of mascara and something other than jeans or track suit bottoms.
So today, I am me, but some days I find that more fulfilling than others, depending on whether I’m listening to myself or others more.
If you fancy learning more about values to help you find out more about yourself and your family, then you can sign up for my newsletter on my main site and get 2 free audios and ebooks. If you fancy learning loads about values, then get in touch and I’ll point you in the direction of some books.