I’m writing this for three reasons. (Well, I actually started writing it 14 days ago, but have been that exhausted that it has taken this long to finish!).
- Firstly to share with non mums what it feels like. I’m sorry to do the whole ‘you can’t understand what its like’ card, but seriously, I reckon that only Mums or people who have illnesses or who work shifts, can really understand the true meaning of ‘exhaustion’!
- Secondly so that other mums know it is not just them.
- And finally to remind me when these days are over, that my body really is too old to get broody again!
It starts with overwhelming sleepiness. I like the feeling of this stage as for years I was a rubbish sleeper. My eyelids get heavy, blinking takes twice as long, and it takes a huge effort to reopen my eyes. Suddenly I find myself asleep on whinnie the pooh. Max (4.5yrs) will either be shaking me awake or kindly putting a blanket over me, depending on his mood. But in a couple of months time this type if tiredness will be potentially dangerous when little Willow starts to crawl; there are stairs, small toys, so many potential problems. I remember waking up oneday with a start to find myself asleep on the floor and max nose to nose with one of our old dogs, who just woken up was trying to work out if max was a dog (who could be bitten) or a child. (We sadly found him a safer home very shortly after, which was extremely heartbreaking to do, but he was worried, let alone us).
Soon sleep becomes more difficult though as the worst stage kicks in. Your head hurts, there’s a dull ache constantly behind the eyes, your stomach feels like a washing machine, and all I want to eat is chocolate. After days of sleep torture, where you are dragged out of a heavy collapse several times, I then find myself incapable of getting back to sleep, which is just the worst kind of torture ever. The brain gets noisy and I get GRUMPY!
When we are grumpy, the ability to be nice to people, give them the benefit of the doubt, have endless patience with the children and be fun rather than shout, disappears in a puff of smoke. But no one appears to be willing to understand or let you be grumpy, or not as grumpy for as long as I’d like anyway! Expectations are high, children are disappointed, husbands snap back and ‘normal’ people either think you are stupid or a cow. I suspect this is where many of the arguments in the blogosphere/twittersphere/facebooksphere originate from.
Soon perspective goes. That’s when there are tears hiding behind my eyes constantly all day long, and all I can see is an interminable long haul ahead with no hope of rescue. And frankly I’ve been tempted to throw both kids out of the window. I hate the crying bit. I hate the pathetic bit. When I’m out of it, I can see how useful it can be (I’ll post about that in a few days, as I’m on my way out, cross fingers). But when I’m in it, it feels like big dark sticky goo.
So don’t feel sorry for me, or be put off having kids, because it isn’t every day or forever, and I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s not their fault that tonsilitus in one (mega puke city!), inevitably is passed to the other, and then other things go wrong like child-care etc. But when you see a mum parking really badly or slowly, be patient. She may very well be stupid, but she may also be operating on minimum brain cells due to the exhaustion. Remember, it’s one of the most effective forms of torture, and lack of sleep can kill you! When she snaps at you, hold your tongue and give her a hug instead. Most of all, have realistic expectations on what she can achieve and tell her how fabulous she is for managing it. Finally remember, ‘this too shall pass’ (one of my mates favourite sayings, you know who you are SB!), and normal service will resume very soon, with a much cheerier version of me/your wife/mum/friend/workmate/neighbour.
To be continued …. Tips for picking up the pieces when exhausted.
Nicely written Lisa … Big hugs from us x
Thanks lovely! Is that little girl of yours letting you sleep more these days?
How I can identify with this post! Its very important that those around you realise how hard it is, as I write this I am having difficulty focusing, ive actually been to the opticians 7 times this year alone. I’m sure a lack of sleep does all sorts of weird things to you, not least in some small part change your personality forever!
I bet the eye strain is related, you’re right. Such a shame you guys got hit by the pox on your holiday, rather than recuperating :0(
As a past insomniac I can understand, however I imagine it is much worse with the huge responsibility hanging over you ie two lives! Good on you for getting it out there and I hope you are asking for help and saying NO! Fck it why can’t men be the givers….hugs and love xx
Hiya grace, to be fair to the guys out there, there can be a limit to what they can do (but yes, I have learnt to ask for a nap on sun morning!). D is in new York for a week & away alot at the moment, he also can’t breast feed! But we did share shifts during the sickness bug. Problem is baby girl’s sleep has been rubbish for a bit. I tend to do the nightime stuff cos of the bf-ing & I can handle it better. Men give too – just not in the same way! Hugs xxx
Loved this post, Lisa. Can totally identify with all you are saying. I described having the first as starting to get tired and then with each child falling more and more into a place of exhaustion. Yes, silently bless the struggling mums. When they lose the plot and scream the store down. And when their kids are all whinging in unison. One of the benefits for me was that I developed the patience of a saint. And I’m still working at it. But the saving grace is, as you say – This too shall pass. :-)))) xx
I agree Fiona, it is definitely improving all sorts of my skills. Also, I’m more honest with myself when I’m exhausted.
Love it darling, all I can say is thank god my in-laws are round the corner, G would defo have gone flying out the window if not. Haven’t tried G with dvd in car yet, having ago this weekend so hopefully with be able to see you all soon xxxx
I’m still learning from you, as I’m making my way to the top as well. I absolutely enjoy reading everything that is posted on your site.Keep the stories coming. I loved it!
First time to your blog, really tough dealing with this problem. Been effected by it for almost 2 years now. I was reading an article on sleep targeted drugs for treating fibromyalgia.
According to the report “Women are much more affected by fibromyalgia than men and the prevalence of the pain disorder is roughly three to five percent in the general population. Alternative studies have found that insomnia, nocturnal awakening and fatigue are common symptoms of fibromyalgia, but it has long been unknown if sleep problems could increase the risk of fibromyalgia.
The researchers examined women participants in a large health study, which included questionnaires and clinical examination. The researchers focused on 12,350 women free of musculoskeletal pain and movement disorders.
Dr. Paul Mork said, “Our findings indicate a strong association between sleep disturbance and fibromyalgia risk in adult women. We found a dose-response relation, where women who often reported sleep problems had a greater risk of fibromyalgia than those who never experienced sleep problems.”
The researchers suggest additional research is required to better understand the association between fibromyalgia and sleep disorders.”
http://www.belmarrahealth.com/fibromyalgia-risk-in-women-increased-with-poor-sleep-habits-new-treatment-uses-potential-drug-targets-for-poor-sleep/